Shelley's Buzz

One test, two tests, Old breasts, new breasts

2012-03-05T16:59:00.000-06:00

Annika made this for me to take to the hospital :)

Whew! Two weeks have passed since surgery and so much has happened, yet not much has happened at all. It's amazing how oxycontin can make time pass so quickly. This post is long overdue and I realize after spending time with friends and family, I have been using terms that are familiar to me, but completely unfamiliar to many of you. It *might* explain the crickets and blank stares when I talk about my 'drains' or some of the time in recovery post-op. Hopefully this post will answer those questions and more and we can all proceed on the same page :)

First things first, I have to say THANK YOU to my amazing Mom who made another trip from upstate NY to be here for me for this surgery. I honestly can say that I really do not know how on earth I would have done this without her here. I love you, Mom!!

Me and Mom patio dining at North on March 1...beautiful

Two weeks ago today, I headed into a life-changing surgery. I was prepared, physically and mentally but nervous just the same. I really don't like the idea of spending an entire day under anesthesia. As it turns out, the surgery itself took 7 hours but when you count pre-op prep and post op recovery, it was really an all day ordeal. I cannot express how thankful I am that my cocoon kept my mom company in the waiting room allllll day long and were there when I woke up in recovery. Thank you Adam, James, Debbie, and Jim (was anyone else there? If so, I don't know. I was OUT like a light). There is nothing I wouldn't do for any of you. I am so thankful for all of you!

So after spending more than a week on pain meds, you can imagine that some of the details are a little fuzzy, but there were some great anecdotes that came from surgery. Since you all know what the actual surgery entailed from the previous post (except Dr McGinniss did the prophylactic side before the damaged one), I will tell you what I remember so you can identify with some of my frustration. I know that some of you out there work for KU or are medical professionals so PLEASE understand that although I hit some rough patches, I am VERY pleased with KU and the majority of the staff who cared for me.

I remember...

...Getting prepped for surgery by getting the sentinel node biopsy set up. That involved them wheeling me into this weird little room where a guy stuck a 32 gauge needle in my right nipple 4 times (wheee!) and injected a radioactive solution. That would allow Dr. M to locate the nodes that needed to be removed for testing during surgery.

...sitting perfectly still so the anesthesiologist could give me a nerve block in my back which REALLY alleviated some of the recovery pain. So thankful I opted for that!

...Going into surgery with Mom, Adam and James by my side, SO thankful that the guys made it there to support my Mom. Such peace of mind going under... speaking of which, I don't remember going under at all!!

...waking up with two 'nurses' arguing by my bedside as I was crammed like a sardine into the recovery room PACKED with half conscious people on gurneys. Fun! I was very upset and one asked me why, I replied 'I feel like you don't know what you're doing and I'm frustrated! I want you to hurry up so I can go back in and finish surgery!' ...to which one replied "Honey, you're already finished." Oh.

...lying on that gurney in recovery feeling SO dehydrated and BEGGING for water. They were not allowed to give it to me until they got orders from a Doctor. There was a lady foot-to-foot with me in recovery who was slamming a Sprite and as much as I HATE soda, I would have done ANYTHING for a drink! So they gave me a miniature styrofoam cup with a few ice chips and a spoon even though I could barely move my arms. Grrrrrrrr...

...Mom and Adam coming into the recovery area for a VERY brief time until they kicked them out because it was too crowded.

...getting moved to a private room in recovery...for FIVE hours because there wasn't a room available for me in the hospital. The most warm 5 hours of this experience... I was surrounded by warmth and love. Mom, Adam, James, Debbie, Jim... I love you all. I remember Adam (life coach) holding my hand every time I fell asleep and feeling really relaxed (must have been the drugs ;) ). I remember that my nurse's name was Debbie and I was PISSED because she was giving Debbie a bad name! She was MEAN!! She argued with me about exactly how much morphine I got and how frequently I could push the button. And she told me my dinner would be there in one minute...it took TWO HOURS!! All I ordered was fresh fruit... and I remember James going out to get me a smoothie and after consulting with Coleen, only finding fresh juice so he showed up with a beet juice something-or-another that looked good, tasted good but almost made post-surgery me hurl... Thanks for the effort James!!

I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor

...Adam joking that the call button was a karaoke machine >>>

...Liz Wakeman (Chris W's sister) stopping by just as I was getting moved to my own room. What a nice surprise!!

...Taking a very long gurney trip to the cardiac unit (I fell asleep for the trip) where I was upgraded to the nicest part of the hospital. Whew!! Home at last! Well...for two days anyway!

...Skyping my kids from my hospital bed to reassure them that I was OK!!

...waking up SO sore and meeting the resident who was not my favorite. She was wearing Shape Ups. I don't trust people who wear Shape Ups...especially medical professionals. If you wear them, please tell me...why?! I remember her saying she'd be back after dinner and after checking my drains (*explaining drains soon), telling me that I would probably stay another night. I accepted that, only to have her come back that night and tell me that I should be going home but that because I didn't ask the nurse to wean me off the IV and get me on oral meds, that I had to stay one more night. Whaaaaa?? It's MY fault that I didn't direct my own care immediately after major surgery. Responsibility accepted...afterall, I DID go to medical school (umm...no I didn't!!). She also reprimanded me for not eating enough protein (which no one told me to do) and that I needed to make it ANIMAL protein because it's better for healing (ok, vegan friends pipe in ;) ). Whew! Not my favorite person at all. She did end up apologizing the next day, but she won't earn back my respect. I even got a visit from the head nurse on the floor and I explained that the nursing staff was FANTASTIC. It was the resident alone who made me cry...yup. You read it here. She made me cry :'(

...the plastic surgery resident who was a nice looking young man with two male students coming into my room, opening my gown and flicking my nipples to see if I had feeling... awwwwwkward! They didn't even buy me a drink or dinner!!

...visits from Larry L, James, Adam, Kelly, Erin, and Danny (Kelly having to text Erin to run because I was fighting to stay awake). I had been awake most of the day and it was mid-afternoon and I was crashing hard! They brought me the most beautiful flowers (thanks Kelly, Erin, Sam, John, and Mike!)...wait! Were you guys in recovery too?? Sheesh...I can't remember anything! Thanks to my friend Steve for bringing dinner from Cupini's and to Rick for making the drive from Lawrence to see me :)

...Adam and James loading up my stuff and taking Mom and me home on Wednesday morning. You are the best friends I could ask for. THANK YOU!!!!

...Rick taking the day off and coming over on Wednesday to cook lentil soup and make my house smell delicious. Sorry I couldn't stay awake and keep you company :( Or did I? LOL. I can't remember!! You are the BEST!! Love you!

...countless days of stripping drains and counting fluid. And here is what that means...

This is not a depiction of me. I have less hair and brown eyes.

*JP drains (Jackson Pratt drains): The original suction drain. The drain itself is inside the body. It is made of Teflon and has multiple drainage holes. The drain is connected to clear plastic tubing which is usually sutured to the skin at the point it leaves the skin. The tubing connects to a bulb reservoir. The bulb, when squeezed empty, applies constant suction to the drain and pulls the fluid out of the body. The drain is removed when the excess fluid has stopped draining from the body.

So what's next? Well, I have to have less than 30mls of fluid draining from each side for two consecutive days before they pull the drains. I am currently at 50ml on one side and 40ml on the other. I was told by the resident-I-don't-care-for (upon discharge) to get up and walk to help my healing. So I did. You don't tell a runner to go 'walk' unless you mean it. I walked 2 miles. Apparently what should have been communicated to me was to walk around the house, maybe to the mailbox. My plastic surgeon told me this at my follow up visit a week ago. Again, Grrrrrrr... I would have sat on my ass to get these drains out earlier if only someone would have told me! So with that said, Operation Sitonmyass went into full effect. Mom and I watched more movies this past week than I've seen since 2005 (slight exaggeration). Thank you to James and Steve for lending us a ton to choose from...and to Redbox for being so convenient :)

Thanks to Dad, Mary and Tom (bahaha...Tori!) for the beautiful plant! Thanks to my Mom's Ellenburg, NY friends for the amazing Edible Arrangement and to the Keverns for the AMAZING dinner. Thanks to Amber for the beautiful sunflowers to brighten up my day :) Thanks to Erin for the yummy veggie soup. Thanks to Coleen for the vegan pastries from Mudpie that got me in trouble with the resident-I-don't-care-for (Bahahaha). Thanks to everyone for the thoughts, prayers, gifts, vibes, visits, meals, snacks, love and support. Thanks to Dr. McGinniss and Dr. Ponnuru for having their A game with them two weeks ago. I am so happy with what I see so far... I am so so thankful for all of you.

But wait, there's more!! Like the results of pathology and what my future doctor visits look like... but I've got to go pick up my kiddos from school and my dad from the airport (Yay!!).

xoxo

Shelley

TMI: A story about boobs

2012-02-19T10:32:00.001-06:00

In the sake of time and waiting for a video to post with my day ZERO post (ahem...James!!), I'm moving on to present day and getting everyone ready for tomorrow. Why tomorrow, you ask? On Monday, February 20...which may be President's Day to many of you... I will be having a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction with tissue expanders. To some that's plain english, to others, it may be Greek so here's the low down dirty scoop...

Directly from Breastcancer.org, here is the very technical definition of bilateral mastectomy:

(by-LA-ter-ul mass-TECK-tum-ee)

Surgery that removes all of both breasts.

Whew! Thank goodness I looked that up...it's so complicated! :) Here is a better description...

Mastectomy is removal of breast tissue to treat or prevent breast cancer. “Unilateral mastectomy” is the surgical removal of one breast. “Bilateral mastectomy” is the removal of both breasts. “Prophylactic mastectomy” refers to the removal of healthy breasts to reduce a woman’s risk of developing breast cancer. Bilateral prophylactic mastectomy is the most effective means of reducing a woman’s risk; however, the benefits of such surgery depend on each woman’s individual risk. Because even the most experienced breast surgeon cannot remove all breast tissue, a small risk of developing breast cancer remains after prophylactic mastectomy. Although effective, some consider prophylactic mastectomy to be a drastic way to lower cancer risk. A woman’s decision to remove her healthy breasts is highly personal.

So, yes, this is highly personal, but as you all know by now, I am more than willing to share in the hopes that someone, somewhere can benefit from this and to help you all understand my decisions. I really don't have to have a mastectomy at all. The tumor was excised (removed) back in July when they thought it was a cyst. They didn't get clear margins (basically they know that there were still some cancer cells in the tissue surrounding the tumor) so they would need to go in and clean it up anyway. There are several studies showing that neoadjuvant therapy (chemo prior to surgery) in TNBC (triple negative breast cancer) patients nearly removed all cancer cells going into surgery. TNBC tends to respond better to chemo because the cells grow so rapidly. Anyway, they could totally do a 'lumpectomy' or clean up the excision and call it a day. But remember back to my explanation of TNBC forever ago? Well it tends to be more aggressive and more likely to recur than other types of cancer. In all of my visits with multiple docs, no one could really give me any numbers. I realize that removing both breasts seems extreme to some, but I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS AGAIN!!! I'm almost 40 years old and I could really use a new set of boobs anyway. My sister calls my current set my 'puny runner boobs' :) I full well realize that my new set isn't going to get me beads at Mardi Gras, but the reality is that to me, boobs are superficial. I hope the new ones are nice, but if they're not, I'll accept it as battle scars and carry on. Ask me about this again when I take off the bandages... maybe I'll change my tune. I'm not doing this to get my insurance company to pay for implants...or to increase a cup size... I'm doing this so my kids have me around as they grow. And because I can. I get to make this decision. No one else, just me. And this is my decision. Bye, bye puny runner boobs...

The surgery is pretty complicated so here's how it's going down...

My breast surgeon (the taker offer) is Dr. Marilee McGinniss at KU. She is pretty amazing. As I started this blog post, I did some research on her and found out that she actually has her first degree in music and that she is a pianist. That actually gave me a sense of confidence in her abilities. She has an incredible bedside manner and I am looking forward to seeing her tomorrow morning. :)

My plastic surgeon is Dr. Satish Ponnuru, also at KU. I was very skeptical when I was first referred to him simply because I had never heard of him and neither had anyone else that I asked. I felt like there were a lot of names thrown around and his wasn't one of them. Dr McGinniss says she loves working with him. After one visit, however, I feel really good about Dr. Ponnuru and I am also looking forward to seeing him tomorrow morning. Let's be honest, Dr. McGinniss has a big job (or little, depending how you look at it..hehe) ahead of her, but Dr. Ponnuru's work is what we'll really see at the end. He explained to me that Dr McGinniss is VERY good at her job so she takes a lot of tissue and leaves him with very thin skin to work with. It's a good thing for me and makes his job that much more important. I hope you have your game on, Dr. P!! :)

The first part of Dr. M's job tomorrow will be to set me up for a sentinel node biopsy. This is typically a procedure done at the time of excision, but since my tumor was removed thinking it was a benign cyst, we had to wait until now to do it.

"Sentinel node biopsy is a surgical procedure used to determine if cancer has spread beyond a primary tumor into your lymphatic system. Sentinel node biopsy is used most commonly in evaluating breast cancer and melanoma.

The sentinel nodes are the first few lymph nodes into which a tumor drains. Sentinel node biopsy involves injecting a tracer material that helps the surgeon locate the sentinel nodes during surgery. The sentinel nodes are removed and analyzed in a laboratory. If the sentinel nodes are free of cancer, then cancer isn't likely to have spread and removing additional lymph nodes is unnecessary.

If, after sentinel node biopsy, evaluation of the sentinel nodes reveals cancer, then you'll likely need additional lymph nodes removed for your doctor to determine how far the cancer has spread."

...so we don't know if the cancer spread beyond the duct and into the nodes. They will do the biopsy while I am under anesthesia to determine if there are any positive nodes. If there are, they will have to do an axillary dissection where they remove a significant number of nodes in my underarm. For the record, I am REAAAAAALLY hoping that there are no positive nodes. I have had 16 rounds of chemo working on that cancer and if it's still there, it is NOT good.

Next, Dr. M will remove both breasts. One obviously is trying to kill me and the other has the potential. The right breast is the bad guy so that will be the first one to go. They will do the node biopsy at that time. The left one is being punished for the right one's behavior so it will also be removed in what is referred to as 'prophylactic' mastectomy. Yes, we've all heard the word 'prophylactic' before...it's preventative, it does not mean they throw a condom on it. ;)

Expansion process

My temporary breast implant, hard as rocks!

Once the girls are removed, Dr. P will get to work putting them back on. There's a procedure called TRAM flap surgery that involves liposuction from the belly to rebuild breasts but since I don't have enough belly fat, that is not an option. I appreciate all of you who so graciously offered to donate yours :) The option I chose is tissue expanders followed by silicone implants. During surgery, Dr. P will rebuild the breasts using Alloderm. He will then insert tissue expanders to stretch the skin over several weeks, months to accommodate the future implants. After surgery, I will go in once a week to have a 'fill' until we get to the size I'm happy with...then we schedule surgery to get my silicone implants! For those of you wondering how big they'll be, I guess you'll just have to wait and see!

I know I've made this all sound so nice and simple, but in all reality, it's pretty much going to suck. The surgery will take a minimum of 6 hours and quite possibly quite a bit longer. I'm scheduled to be there at 6 with surgery starting at 7:30, but I've been prepped to do some waiting to get started. Since there is no live tracking (like in a good ultra! We should have planned with ultralivenet.com to get updates... darn!), you'll have to rely on Facebook updates from my Mom and my cocoon. They've let me know that they will visit with my family every hour to give them updates. I will be in the hospital Monday night and probably Tuesday as well. If I come home Tuesday, it will be late afternoon/evening. So... this is the last blog post until this surgery is over. Now, I'm going to go run errands and spend the day with my Mom with a nice dinner out tonight. Thank you to each and every one of you for the well wishes, the support and the friendship. I love you all!!

xoxo

Shelley aka "EE"

*For your convenience, all colored words are links to get more information on my docs and Alloderm

The Final Countdown

2012-01-25T13:16:00.000-06:00

Holy crap. Tomorrow is my last day of chemo. Just like that...16 rounds of chemo in 5 and a half months, and it's over. I woke up early this morning like it was Christmas and I still have ONE more day to wait! I haven't been feeling so hot over the past week and somehow I woke up today with more energy and clarity than I've had in 6 months. I'm ready to get this countdown over and we still have several days to catch up on so here we go!!!

(In the sake of time, I will not be posting ALL of the videos (but a few!) so friend me on Facebook if you really want to see them!)

EIGHT IS GRRRRREAT!!
Number 8

Eight is the symbol of harmony and balance.

Eight symbolizes the ability to make decisions.

Eight symbolizes abundance and power.

Last Wednesday, Jan 18, a few notable things happened...

First things first, I had a consultation with my original surgeon, Dr Shook, to get a second opinion and referrals to some plastic surgeons outside of KU. It was a nice visit, great to catch up, but I realized that the second opinions were very stressful and more than what I can handle right now. None of the plastic surgeons could get me in for a consult within the next week and I decided that unless I didn't like Dr Ponnuru at KU, it's just a needless stressor that I don't need right now. Simple as that.

Then, I went to the airport to pick up Elena, a friend from high school who I have not seen in over 22 years. So you may be wondering why and how this visit occurred... Well, thank you Facebook for allowing me to reconnect with someone (several someones for that matter!) as an adult who shares a kindred spirit. Suffice it to say that who we were in high school in 1989 is certainly not who we are now. In fact, we both really needed this visit for so many reasons and I can't even begin to share them all. What I will say is that she helped me so much by being here and I have to believe that she went home with a happy heart too :) A mutual acquaintance from high school commented that she had no idea we were that close and we both had to laugh...I don't think WE even realized that we were that close until we caught back up long distance. And I can say that I've claimed a forever friend over this past week :) She is a beautiful person, both inside and out. Love you Laney!!! xoxo

LUCKY SEVEN!

7: Number seven is the number of
perfection, security, safety and rest.

Look who needs a circle scarf!!

It was great to have my second chemo date from Vermont! Lauren really set the bar high and Elena was happy to follow suit. We had a great visit over a Taxol cocktail and it really flew by! Before you knew it, it was over and we went to Eden Alley to have an impromptu lunch with Erin and Kelly.

Elena also accompanied me to my consult with Dr Ponnuru, plastic surgeon. I will spare all the details, but I can say that I am SO thankful to have had someone with me that could give me an opinion from a different perspective. I felt really great about Dr Ponnuru and after a glass of wine afterward, Laney helped me come to the decision that I'm sticking with him for my reconstruction. Whew! Decision made, what a relief!!! Feb 20, I OWN you!!! :)

After hanging out at a wine bar on the Plaza, of course I was starving! It was chemo day afterall... so we went to the Westside Local for dinner. It was so great to introduce Laney to my happy place :) and the brown sugar cheesecake with lingonberries and pumpkin seed brittle was a nice ending for such a wonderful day... although...my insomnia was worse than ever and Elena sat on my bed with me ALL NIGHT LONG chatting like schoolgirls and feeling like a slumber party. It was a longgg night for sure but having company sure made it better! That said, insomnia and the post chemo 'roid rage sucks. Chris said it best...

Hey 7...Up Yours!!

Oh, and to Debbie, who loves me to every planet and back...the 7th planet from the sun is Uranus. I thought it only fitting to tell her 'I love you to Uranus and back'...hey, it was her idea!! :) Love you Debbie!! xoxo

SIX FIX!
Six: The symbolism behind number Six is legend. With Venus as its ruler, Six represents harmony, balance, sincerity, love, and truth. Six naturally reveals solutions for us in a calm, unfolding manner. We invoke the Six when we need delicate diplomacy when dealing with sensitive matters. The spiritual meaning of number Six also deals with enlightenment; specifically "lighting" our path in areas we require spiritual and mental balance. Sixes beckon us to administer compassion and consciously choose forgiveness in a situation.

Yeah, so six just kind of sucked. I was dragging all day because I was tired. I got a nice nap at acupuncture, but my contacts were dry from not sleeping and I'm sure I wasn't much fun!! We did manage to get Laney a circle scarf :) and have a nice day out, but it was not really that great of a day. I spent all day trying to track Adam as he was pacing his friend Cath in the Brazil 135 race to no avail, only to find out a day later that she was running hard and finished 5th overall, 2nd female. Woohoo! Yay Cath and Adam! We did get to have dinner with the kiddos so Laney could meet them. And I finally got some rest :)

NUMBER FIVE IS ALIVE!

So, Coco Chanel chose the number 5 for her iconic perfume because she was way into numerology and the number 5 was especially esteemed as signifying the pure embodiment of a thing, its spirit, its mystic meaning.

Thanks Coleen!! :) Love you xoxo

Five: The spiritual meaning of number Five deals with travel, adventure, and motion. The spiritual meaning of Five draws our attention to the wonder of life, and beckons us to appreciate the perception of chaos all around us. Five has wild vibrations: primitive and erratic. When Five continues to pop up in your life be prepared for some action, like a trip. Remember, trips aren't all necessarily taken physically. Some of the best journey's are taken in the mind and spirit.

Holy crap! I just realized as I sorted through my posts and timeline that on day 5, Adam paced Cath to a 5th place finish in the Brazil 135!! oooooo....eerie!! And so cool!!

My very preggo stylist Micki is the BEST! EVER!

I also introduced Laney to my BFF, Free State brewery and my girls at Headmasters in Lawrence where I got my first post chemo haircut!!!! Ok, haircut might be a slight exaggeration...but I got at least ONE hair cut! :) Micki, Wende, Jan...you girls ROCK!!

Yay for good friends, haircuts and circle scarves! :)

40 looks so good on you, Laney!

And realizing that it's Kansas City restaurant week, Laney's last night in town AND that I'd be in my final round of chemo on her 40th birthday we went out for dinner at The Drop with James and toasted good friends, looking fab at 40 and my final round of chemo. Woohoo!!

**Bonus points for anyone who got the Number five is alive reference...yes, Short Circuit (circa 1986)

FOUR? SHUT THE DOOR!

On day 4, I woke up at 4, brought Elena to the airport, said a sad goodbye and went home to sleep a bit. I picked up the kiddos and spent the day just enjoying their company. I have come to realize that the Sunday after my Thursday chemo is when the crash starts. I start feeling like I have the flu and that I want to curl up and die. Ok, maybe that's a bit extreme, but I am completely zapped and it gets worse before it gets better. So I got a lot of nice well wishes, but happily shut the door on number four :)

*side note: Happy Birthday to Eric, my amazing Colorado contingent. Thirty FOUR?! Jeez the coincidence! :)

THREE, IT'S THE MAGIC NUMBER!

3!!!!! It is The Triad, being the number of the whole as it contains the beginning, a middle and an end.

The power of three is universal and is the tripartide nature of the world as heaven, earth, and waters. It is human as body, soul and spirit. It is the beginning, middle and end. Three is a complete cycle unto itself. It is past, present, future.

I woke up on day 3, brought the kids to school and crawled back in bed feeling like I had been hit by a mack truck. Knowing I had dinner plans at 5:30 with three of the most amazing girls alive, I planned on wallowing in self pity for several hours at least. Just like the Monday before, I felt like I had the flu but I know now that it's just what it feels like to hit the chemo wall. I really felt bad. Then I saw this Facebook post from my sister in Hawaii:

'To help my sister Shelley Duprey Flones count down day #3, I was going to run 3 miles. But I love her twice as much as that, so I decided on 6. But then thought a another prime number would be more appropriate so I made it 7! Shelley, you were my inspiration today (as well as the pain in my ass through the last mile) because I didn't want to annoy you on such an important week. ;) I believe because you believe in me and I believe in you. You've got this!!! ALMOST DONE!'

To give some background info... I obviously come from a family of runners. Karen started running last year and might even still tell you that she's not a 'runner'. She didn't like it at all at first and loving it certainly doesn't come easily to her. Why does she do it? Well, you'll have to ask her, but I think she may do it because she cares about her health and she cares about me. This isn't the first time she's told me that I inspired her, but she may not realize how much her running inspires me. To know that she has the drive and determination to fight through SEVEN miles on my worst day, brings me to tears. Seven miles isn't easy for ANYONE, not even distance runners. And she did it. Just to not annoy me. Haha! In 40 years, I'm sure I've annoyed my sister more than you can ever imagine. I'm two years younger and like a hyper puppy. I'd be annoyed by me too!! And yet, as I was curled up in bed, fighting back tears, she was fighting through SEVEN pavement miles (ugh!) because we believe in each other. Wow. I love you, Karen. And you are my FSFN :) Ask William what that means...he might know! xoxo And I can't wait to come to Hawaii and run with you!!! You might be pushing me the last few miles!!

TWOSDAY!! 2 LEGIT 2 QUIT!

2: Those who resonate with number Two are honest, trustworthy. These people are also very talented with plenty of wonderful ideas. So much so that they sometimes fall into distraction because they are often moving in (no irony here) two directions at the same time. They are usually philosophical by nature, and are the people you go to when seeking sincere advice.

TWO Friends <3

TWOsday was a crazier day than most of you realize. First, I went to court to get rid of TWO speeding tickets thanks to my amazing friend James. Then I spent TWO hours with James at Dolce drinking coffee, eating scones and discussing life and relationships. Then I went to lunch to get rid of another tumor that I was not aware that I had. I haven't really discussed my personal (dating) life much on my blog. Ok, I really haven't discussed it at all. Some things are sacred and I don't want to change that...but to understand my 'fight' maybe you should all know what I've dealt with and why I'm so thankful for the really good people in my life. I have an ex-boyfriend. Ok, not just one, but one in particular. We broke up a long time ago but I had idealized the 'relationship' we had and quite honestly, I idealized him. I emailed him when I was diagnosed simply because he saw that stupid tumor and I thought it was only fair. He tried to be 'part of my team' but I explained to him that I wasn't really looking for more friends and watching him date other women (with hair-haha) would be really tough for me. That if he wasn't wanting to be my partner through it, then he should go away and not be so selfish. So he did. Whew! Right? Well, he continued to 'check in' through the fall. I decided to respond selectively, fearing the knowledge that he had moved on while I was battling the big C. Well, this is already taking longer than I planned so let me just say that he chose lunch YESTERDAY* (after not seeing each other since August and me accepting the invite with trepidation) to nonchalantly tell me that he started seeing someone in the fall. Yes, he did exactly what I asked him NOT to do... oh, not the dating part. I suppose that was inevitable. He SEEMS to be a good catch, I guess. But the part about telling me!!! WHY would you choose the middle of a girl's chemo to let her know that you've moved on and you're seeing someone new??? Just GO AWAY!! If you ever find yourself in this situation people, please just GO AWAY!! Oh, unless you are selfish, self-centered and a complete A-hole!! So, not only am I in the last week of my chemo, battling cancer, sporting a weird fuzzy hairdo, and preparing myself to lose my breasts in less than a month, my ex-boyfriend decided that it was appropriate to add insult to injury on my TWOsday. Thank you for that. I have no need for retaliation. I am the lucky one. I just excised a tumor and didn't even need anesthesia. And for the rest of you who deserve my friendship, I appreciate you that much more :) And for the man who eventually earns the right to be my life partner, you can thank him later... :) I will talk more about dating through cancer because I do have some insight to share, but for now, I am thankful to be eradicating more than one cancer this week :)

*note: he did claim to have sent me an email (that I never got) in December to tell me...because that's better right? Sending your ex an email over the holidays while she's battling cancer to get her blessing on a new relationship?? WHO does that???? :)

So... now that I've said too much, I am having a GREAT day ONE!!! One day until chemo is OVER!!! Yessssssss!!

ONE...UNO!!!!!!!!

I have recently been compared to an excited puppy (I don't pee on the floors!) so I thought this was more than appropriate...thanks Chris!! Love it! :)

There are so many catchy ways to sum this up but the reality is this...One more day. ONE!! TOMORROW marks the end of a VERY long road. I still have cancer. Tomorrow, I will still have cancer. I will have cancer until I have a mastectomy on February 20, but I will be done with the poison in my veins. I will be done with chemo. Tomorrow. Sorry to be so redundant. I am trying to get my arms around it!! Thank you to EVERYONE who joined this countdown with me. Please join me again TOMORROW when the number is ZERO!!!!

Words cannot express my thanks to all of you for lifting me up and holding me tight through this horribly painful final round of chemo. U2 said it best...'One love, we get to share it...' I love you all and I'm happy to share it :)

ONE!
xoxo
Shelley

On Cloud Nine in Single Digits

2012-01-17T12:25:00.001-06:00

'Oh, there's so much I can do with this countdown... cloud nine, 'single' digits... I've been waiting for this for a long time and somehow the words don't do it justice. BUT I'm still going to try :)

I have been feeling under the weather since the high of last week's chemo wore off and to be completely honest, just didn't feel much like blogging. You will thank me because I can promise a much more uplifting blog than if I had attempted this over the past couple days. :) Although I have had amazing people (just read on and you'll see) helping me count down and showing me the love, I can pin the change of heart on one simple statement from this morning...

'Cloud NINE!!! I love you Shelley! xoxoxoxox'

I'm sure that I'm not the only one who refers to Saturday Night Live's character Debbie Downer when I'm feeling down. I have decided that I am going to make a concerted effort to find a new reference. I've never had a friend named 'Debbie' before, but now that I do, she is the FURTHEST thing from a downer that I've ever known! That statement above is from my friend Debbie. What's crazy is that she sends me stuff like that ALL the time! And she means it!! Thank you Debbie Upper for that warm thought this morning. I love YOU!!! xoxo Now I can blog this countdown with enthusiasm in true Shelley form :) ...

THIRTEEN! Erin thinks I'm stronger than these guys?! Wow! Thanks Erin :)

I'm going to take you back to 13 first because I left you hanging on day 13 last time and it was a SPECTACULAR day!! It brings me full circle to the time in July that I had just gotten the results from the PET scan back showing all clear. What did I do? I ran Coleen's Sweaty Ass run! Soooo...on Friday the 13th, I've got 13 days and 2 rounds of chemo left, what did I do?? I ran Coleen's Frozen Fat Ass run!! As purveyor of the granola for the local running community, it was my duty and obligation to feed the 100+ runners as they froze their asses off running a 3 mile loop from 8pm until 6am Friday night. I also really needed the run, the friendship, the warmth that hanging out with some of my favorite people brings. So going into the night, I was so amped up that you almost had to peel me off the ceiling. I had no expectations for mileage whatsoever. I knew I'd run until I was done, knowing that my immune system was seriously compromised after having had my 14th round of chemo the previous day. I checked in after one loop, feeling fantastic and knowing that I had at least 3 more miles under my belt.

Checking in after mile 3

I have to add that although we have had an unseasonably warm winter with temps in the 50's and 60's on a regular basis, we finally got some freezing weather for this run. Thank goodness, too, because with 3 water crossings in 3 miles, it could have been WAY colder running than it was!

On the second loop, I started getting a terrible stomach cramp (and I am blaming this completely on Adam since he is in Brazil and cannot defend himself). I have a new respect for him now, though. He fed me one of his 'famous' bean burritos for lunch that he eats before, DURING, and after ultras. I thought I was going to die so after 6 miles, I called it. How that guy eats those and still performs in a 100 mile race is now even more of a mystery to me! Anyway, I spent the next several hours feeding runners, giggling uncontrollably with a bunch of slap happy friends. Since the run started at 8pm, we were able to count down to 12 at midnight!! I got a text from Eric at 12 minutes until 12 that read:

"I know this is 12 minutes early but it is getting late and I hope to run a dozen miles tomorrow. 12 can be a pretty nominal unit. After all, that is how they package eggs, pencils, pens, roses, and donuts. But 12 is better than that. It is the amount of months in a year, hours in every morning and days until chemo is done, done, done!" Hell yeah!!!

So that set us off on another laughing fit. Chris was as loopy as I've ever seen him and had all the girls in tears. We're now on the lookout for a pair of Lauren's metallic leggings in silver for him to wear at Silver Rush 50mi. And is it 12 or 21? Ask Erin...she's always got the answers!

And I had a Romper Room flashback from the 70's...please forgive my chemo brain in case I forget someone, but I had my little magic mirror out and soaked in all the fabulous people...

I see Coleen, Gary, Erin, Roo, Debbie, Julie, Deb, Stu, Jim, Larry, Chris W, Claire, Wael, Brian B, Larry L, Erica, Indi, Katie, Lauren, Sarah, Amy, Nicole, Brian L, Karen, Bobbi, Micah, Shannon, Chris N, Kevin...I see Beck, Rhonda, Jauqui, Ashley (hotties), Matty and Ashley, Justin D, Justin and Sarah, Steve and Patsy (yay!), Jeff T, Adam M, Kyle A...I see Honey Badger. Yeah, you heard me. I cuddled up to honey badger because he's a badass... and although there was no Do-Bee, it was a great night for all :)

Honey badger and me. <3

Once I woke up after a few hours of post run sleep, I re-read an email sent to me by one of my college roommates, Karen. We were math majors together, but where I long ago lost my math skills, she now teaches them :) :

Twelve is a sublime number, a number that has a perfect number of divisors, and the sum of its divisors is also a perfect number. Since there is a subset of 12's proper divisors that add up to 12 (all of them but with 4 excluded), 12 is a semiperfect number.
Semiperfect! Almost perfect!!
You're almost there. You've got this!!!

I snagged the kids from cp's and we went to Union Station/Crown Center to watch the Lego Robotics competition and (unbeknownst to us upon arrival) the Legoland Master Model Builder competition! It was one of the best days I've had with the kiddos. What an amazing way to celebrate a dozen days left until the last round of chemo! Better than semi-perfect, it was really a perfect day :)

11 days to go!!
It may come as a huge shock to you, but 2011 was not my best year. I watched one of my closest friends battle breast cancer, was diagnosed with and battled breast cancer, and if that wasn't enough, right before Christmas, my beautiful 25 year old cousin, Katrina had a debilitating stroke. HOWEVER, there were some awesome things that happened too... Kelly beat the big C in 2011 (I'm on my way in 2012, and Katrina is now in rehab and made peanut butter cookies this morning) :), my little sister Lauren became Mrs. Mike Weber in June, Josh started kindergarten in August, I had a GREAT year with my new company, my amazing friend Andy won the Bronze medal in the World Championship 100k in Wischoten, Netherlands, I made some incredible new friends and built stronger friendships with some that I already had. I learned who I can trust in the face of adversity and how to let go of those who need letting go. 2012 will be better but 2011 was full of lessons that will make it even better! So let's countdown 11!!

Gotta love my high school friend Aaron who found the #1 song when we were in 11th grade. Oh yeah, a little Bobby Brown, My Prerogative... How incredibly apropos... :) Erin added the Sesame Street throwback #11, but Chris hit the nail on the head with some Spinal Tap this time... Most amps go up to ten but this is one louder... If we need that extra push over the cliff, we just go to ELEVEN! I'm pretty sure my internal amp goes to eleven :)

Kelly's awesome cousin, Shanda started counting down with me in numerology...

In numerology, number eleven is considered as a master number. The reason is this number carries as a vibrational frequency of balance. Number Eleven signifies invention, refinement, fulfillment, vision and congruency in a person. In astrology, the number eleven is considered as a magical number that strikes a balance of emotion, thoughts and spirits.

And of course Eric came through with words to bring me to tears (again!) and reminded me that in 2011, we met for the first time in Colorado while crewing our mutual friend through a grueling 100 miler. The race wasn't what resonated with either of us though. It was the friendships, the small conversations that gave us all the strength to power through the tough times that we were experiencing. He gave me one of the greatest compliments that I have ever gotten so I'd like to share it with you. He said:

"if anyone could flat out will themselves to overcome an obstacle it would be you. The strength you portrayed in the face of uncertainly was so, so impressive."

Thank you, Eric. I am so glad that 2011 happened too :)

Not to go unnoticed, my Aunt Joanne who lives in Knoxville, Tennesssee decided to join in on the fun and has started counting down with the 12 days of Christmas...I love it!! 'Eleven Pipers Piping!'

A Perfect 10!!
10: Positively, a change in fortune for the better, either monetarily or otherwise. A new step forward on the path of tomorrow. Your destiny. Luck. Old knowledge, especially esoteric or religious, from books. Old souls. Good ventures with those signs in mind. Being in the right place at the right time to grasp opportunities. ~Shanda

The last round number until we get to the roundest and best number of all :) ~Eric

Thanks Chris :) Shawty is a 10ft Fabolous :)

I felt like complete crap on day 10. There is no way to candy coat this. I had flu-like symptoms with a sore throat and body aches. I know the difference now, though. This is just what it feels like when your immune system is weakened and you have lingering chemo effects. I felt like lying in bed and never getting up. Thankfully, I have two amazing kids who demanded my attention and got me out of bed for a good part of the day. It was 70 degrees in January (in the midwest-REALLY??) and we barely went outside. I just needed a day of resting and taking care of my body. Annika made empanadas for lunch (no joke!) in the cupcake maker Aunt Lauren gave her for Christmas and she made her famous Rachel Ray kids recipe for More-Peas-If-You-Please for dinner. I am the luckiest Mommy alive and thankful for two helpful and snuggly kiddos :) And since day 10 sucked so bad, I'm happy to move on to Cloud Nine!!

10 Lords a Leaping! ~Aunt Joanne

CLOUD NINE!!

For those of you who are exhausted by a tangential conversation with me, you'll be happy to know that I am now bringing it back around to number 9!! :) It's only noon on day #9 so I've got all day to make today AWESOME! I won't be running today because I can tell my body needs rest, but I will be spending the day doing something awesome, of course. And all because Debbie said Cloud Nine :) and Elena said '9- that's it- just 9:) ♥' Oh and because Erin sent me the best video yet...

I love the Barenaked Ladies :) And yes, feel free to apply that to all areas of my life. In case it was in question, I am as straight as an arrow, but I do love being one of the barenaked ladies :)

'9 Ladies Dancing' their happy dance for me! ~Aunt Joanne :)

And yes, we are now in SINGLE digits!!!! Single. 9 days until chemo is over. Done. And tomorrow, one of my high school friends is flying in from Vermont to count from 8 to 5 with me!! Yay!!

Thank you all for keeping my spirits up during this countdown. It's exciting and fun, but the 14 rounds of chemo are starting to hit me a little harder each time. I need you more than you realize :)

xoxo

Shelley

Countdown to the New Year!!

2012-01-13T01:39:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I'm a little behind on posts and I realize that I totally skipped over the holidays! To keep it simple, I had an amazing Christmas at home with my amazing kidlets and some special friends. My New Year's was spent celebrating in the warmth of my 'cocoon', but overall, the holidays were low key and a time for reflection and resolution. I counted down to 2012 with some of my absolute favorite people. We ate good food, enjoyed each other's company over a game of Apples to Apples and popped the cork of a bottle of Veuve Cliquot at midnight-ish. We had a great breakfast and even built a fire on New Year's Day :)

Any New Year's party that ends in slippers by a campfire HAS to be good! :)

But let's be honest. As much as I thought I was, I wasn't really ready for a new year. I spent the last week of the old year and the first week of the new one with a horrible upper respiratory infection that scared the living daylights out of me (do you know how scary the simplest things can be when you know you have virtually NO immune system?) I finally got it under control with an antibiotic, but this was the first time I was really 'sick' since the cancer diagnosis. I realize that I wasn't really any sicker than I would normally be this time of year with two kids bringing every germ known to man into our house, BUT it's just different. Trust me.

On a way more positive note, I really made peace with some things that have gotten under my skin (completely non-cancer related) over this past year. I love moving into 2012 with a clear mind, a full heart, and a stronger sense of self than ever before. But I'm still not ready for the new year. Not yet. I've got exactly 13 days until I'm ready to start celebrating and really another 25 after that until my New Year begins. 4 days ago, I realized that the end of my treatment is rapidly approaching and announced my countdown on Facebook. It was 17 days and 3 chemo rounds from the end of 'treatment'. I am speechless (shocking, I know) at the number of people who have joined me in this countdown and overwhelmed with emotion by the people who are actively involved with me :) I love you guys!!! xoxo My awesome friend Erin M has been counting down with some throwback videos that get stuck in my head EVERY day, ALL day. I highly suggest you watch them. So here's a recap of my countdown so far and I'm taking you all with me EVERY DAY from here until ZERO!!

1/9/12-Only 17 Days out!:

-I announce my countdown and over 100 people join my countdown-thanks cocoon!!

-EM sent me this awesome video:

1/10/12-Sweet Sixteen:

-Eric reminds me first thing in the morning (and he lives in Colorado!) that it's 16 :) It's so nice to know that I'm not even close to alone in this countdown!
-My mom reminds me: "I remember when you were sweet 16! Running cross country, playing basketball,and on the Prom court. Love you Honey!" I'll take 39, still running, too short for hoops and happy hour over prom any day! (but I love the memories!)
-Erin sends the next video and promises "Yes, you will be getting one of these every day. You. Are. Welcome." :) :

1/11/12-Pocket Change 15:

-Eric showed up AGAIN to make 15 days seem like pocket change...three nickels, or a dime and a nickel, or ten pennies and a nickel, or a dime and five pennies, or 15 pennies...no matter what way you slice it, it's still pocket change!! 15 days to go!!!
-I had an extremely emotional visit with Dr. Sharma, my oncologist. First of all, Brian (who used to check my weight and bp on every visit) tracked me down in the waiting room to tell me that he started running (he's tall and fit anyway, but wanted to start running) because of me and is now running 3-5 miles a day at a 7:20-7:30 pace! I'm working on getting him on the trails now!

I got to see Jennifer and Yvonne who are just amazing women who make me smile and laugh on every single visit. We talked leggings and boots, kids, earrings and short hair-do's. And of course, I got to see Dr. Sharma. She was in India for the month of December so I haven't seen her in a while. She came into the patient room and with a look of shock said "Wow! You have a lot of hair!" :) She also spent a very short visit doing a breast exam (yes, I get felt up on every visit-it's part of the deal), talking plastic surgeons and then announced 'Well, 3 more rounds of chemo and then I'll see you after surgery'. Her hand was on the doorknob and I yelled "Wait!! Um, well, is that it? I mean, how am I doing??" Her response was that I am fantastic and that I have been and continue to be her poster child. She couldn't ask for anything better. That felt pretty damn good :)

Wow. That's it. I can honestly say that although I will see them all every 3 months for a while to get follow up checks, I am really going to miss them!! Don't get me wrong, I don't need a reason to go see them. I have a feeling I will be making fairly regular granola deliveries anyway :) But they have made more difference in my life than they know. Thank you guys :)

-Erin did not disappoint. I love this one :) :

1/12/12-Chemo Day! Counting UP and DOWN:

-I decided it was a perfect time to count UP and DOWN. 14 days UP, 14 rounds DOWN. 2 rounds left, 2 weeks left... How long 2 weeks is depends completely on your attitude toward it (like most things in life) :)

-I got the following email from someone (who shall remain nameless) which was intended to help me count down and served as 'literary therapy' for him as well. It made my day start on the right foot for sure!:

"14 days. Two weeks. That sounds like a definite period of time, right? I don’t think so. When I was 4 years old waiting for Christmas on December 11th, two weeks was an eternity. 14 days with each one taking longer to pass than the last.

Unfortunately we all grow up and two weeks, even the two weeks before Christmas, can pass in the blink of an eye. We have all heard it and most of us have even said it, “the days, weeks, months go by faster every year.” For me this was true. From my late 20’s into my 30’s I was in a rut. Each week a copy of the last. Looking back it feels like entire months were just skipped over. I fear what I could have missed had I stayed in that rut any longer. But I was jolted from that rut.

Jolted may not be a strong enough word. In fact, it is not even close to strong enough. We all know “bad” things happen. Even when they are oh so unexpected. One of these “bad” things happened to me. The jolt that felt like the world was falling down around me. But a funny thing happened, the world did not fall down at all. And while I stumbled, I remain standing too.

Being set free from my rut, I know now that 2 weeks is a fantastic amount of time. It is enough time to make a new friendship, strengthen an old one, set a goal, accomplish that same goal, try something new and do something you have always enjoyed. 2 weeks, 14 days. It may be the perfect period of time. 14 days, 2 weeks.

What am I going to do in the next two weeks? The choices are endless, but if I get it right, the next 14 days will pass at the pace which can be enjoyed and cherished. Because that “bad” thing that happened to me, may have been what I needed the most. I am out of my rut, blazing new trail and enjoying all the ups and downs along the way."

I can honestly say that his perspective sure inspired me and I can honestly say that making a new friendship with him was time well spent :)

-I spent the day with the most AMAZING group of people!! Adam was my chemo date and we shared Dolce scones and cinnamon rolls. He leaves for Brazil for 2 weeks today and I'm going to miss him!!! James brought me his AMAZING pineapple oatmeal cookies and joined us later for lunch. Coleen and Erik met us for lunch at Genessee Royale Bistro in the West Bottoms and it was delicious!!! Then I ran over to see my buddies at Studiobuild to deliver them granola. Thanks for the trade-Love you guys!! On my way home, I called my work partners and they were having a meeting so I got to actually participate in something work related for the first time in 2 1/2 months! And I've missed them both so much :) I also got to grab a beer and some dinner with Ryan at Barley's before heading home to finally rest...or bake 8 lbs of Open Sesame granola for Coleen's Frozen Fat Ass run tonight :) And catch up this blog post... Thank you, double shot Americano and steroid drip this morning :)

And again, Erin takes the cake (if you read the INK article, you'll understand why I love lightning bugs so much):

1/13/12-Lucky 13!

-It's Friday the 13th and 13 days from my last round of chemo. Many people and cultures consider 13 to be very unlucky. I don't agree. We really make our own luck, don't we? Besides, I did a little research and there are a lot of people who also share my belief that 13 is a lucky number. Is it coincidence that I'm sending my Life Coach to Brazil today and the one culture where 13 is considered lucky is in Brazil?

Coperos

The number 13 in the Coperos religion (small culture in Brazil) is like a God number. All coperos must know that this number can save humankind

Maybe I'm grabbing at straws, but I'll take it! I refuse to believe that today is going to be unlucky. I have a GREAT day and night planned and no one is taking that away from me :) Since today just began and the steroids are starting to wear off, you'll just need to wait to hear all about it. Plus Erin won't send the video until tomorrow and I'd hate for you to miss it :)

So we've got 13 days and 2 rounds until chemo is OVER! Surgery is scheduled for February 20 and I can't wait!! My new year is coming. The day I get my 'cancer free' card. I've used the hell out of the cancer card and I'm ready to throw it in. Thank you to all of you amazing people who are counting down with me. I love you all. I couldn't ask for a better cocoon!!

xoxo

Shelley

I've definitely got a Golgi Complex

2011-12-29T23:32:00.000-06:00

My words of wisdom frequently come from my Yogi tea tags as I sit down to blog. In fact, tonight, I decided that I would base my chemo post on whatever my tea tag told me :) Perhaps it's a little coincidental that I was drinking Gingko Clarity tea for mental clarity?!

~To be great, feel great and act great~

Thank you Yogi for making this so easy :) In an earlier post, when I said I was dancing like the whole world was watching, I guess it's really the same thing, right?

That's cover material if I've ever seen it! Love you Kel!

So as many of you know, yesterday I became famous. (no, this is not where the Golgi Complex comes in) Ok, maybe not really FAMOUS, but Kelly and I graced the cover of INK magazine in a great article written by the awesome Sarah Gish. It was so amazing to read our story from an outsider's perspective and to see the timeline laid out so clearly. Aside from feeling a bit like an exhibitionist ;), I am as free spirited as Sarah would lead you to believe and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am also SO thankful (in case you haven't noticed) to have been 'cocooned with love and support by family and friends'. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Thanks for the awesome pics, Jen Hack!

There was some anonymous criticism to the 'heavy, huge, constant publicity and attention' that breast cancer gets and although everyone else seems to get it, to be honest, I'm pretty confused. I am thankful that the research has been done and that I'm alive right now. Unfortunately, not enough has been done yet and I'm left hanging with the rare type of breast cancer that is still under-researched and needs more answers to give me a better prognosis long term. I am thankful for Susan G Komen's sister who was passionate enough to create a movement so powerful to generate the dollars for this type of research. If it's lung cancer that has taken your family member, please start a movement! If it's childhood cancer, do something like my amazing friends Deliece Hofen, Tim Lockyear and the Supporting Kids Foundation are doing. I'm not sure why anyone would take the opportunity to attempt to cast a gray cloud over such an uplifting article. I'm really and truly sad for the anonymous critic who has lost so many family members. But I am also really super happy to be alive today :)

It also really made me think about this article in a different light. Was it really about breast cancer? Maybe a little. We're losing our breasts. It's a tough obstacle to overcome as a woman. But aside from making our boobs a bit famous, this article is really about so much more. It's about love, support and friendship, facing adversity with confidence, and dancing like the whole world is watching. It's about living your life like you don't care that you're bald. (I have a friend who has alopecia, not even cancer, and she inspires me every time I see her beautiful face!) It's about acting great, feeling great and being great :) Nope, still not the Golgi Complex! But if you really want to know, I'm done with this topic anyway...

Your Golgi Complex is invading my Endoplasmic Reticulum!

Today was chemo round #13, Score: AC 4, Taxol 9...3 rounds to go in 2012!! Yes, I am done chemo for this year!

I've been feeling pretty crappy this week. On Christmas (separate post on its way!), Josh had a nasty little cold. It crossed cp's mind to offer to keep him instead of risk getting me sick. NO way! I will take my chances, but I am NOT missing out on a Christmas with my kiddo. He's 6 and he still gets SO excited. I really needed that this year. So I (of course) was blanketed in kisses and snotty noses all day and got a scratchy throat, aches and was ridiculously tired in the days following.

Santa ROCKS!

After the serious dip in WBC's and ANC last week, I was SURE that this week's numbers would be ugly. I was optimistic that they would let me have chemo regardless since I get a Neulasta shot tomorrow anyway. So I had my usual good looking chemo date crew with me (this week was an all-time record of attendees! Thanks Chris, James, Desiree, and Adam!! Love you all!) and lo and behold, my counts were actually UP!! In fact, my ANC was within normal range for the first time in a 3rd consecutive round of Taxol. Hmmm... in the words of my acupuncturist/herbalist/friend Travis, 'You are an oddity!' Well, yeah, Travis! We've known that for a LONG time! But really, what the hell is this spike in ANC all about? It makes no sense whatsoever. Unless... I did get one really special gift from Santa in my stocking... Yup, a scientific model of a white blood cell. (The Golgi Complex and Endoplasmic Reticulum are just components of the cell but they sound so fun, I just had to include them :) ) Could this be the secret to the rise in counts? I guess we'll never really know, but now you have to decide...do YOU believe in Santa? I do :)

*did I mention that James made homemade paw paw donuts for chemo that were SO delicious?! You rock James!!

Ok, so here's what's next:

Jan 11-appt with Dr Sharma (I was wrong on the last schedule)
Jan 12-Chemo: Taxol round # 10 of 12
Jan 13-Coleen's Frozen Fat Ass Run (EVERYONE should be there! Come one, come all!)
Jan 19-Chemo: Taxol round # 11 of 12
Jan 26-Chemo: Taxol round # 12 of 12!!!!!!!!! Partayyyyyyy!!!

So today, I feel great...I'm pretty sure I acted great (especially leaving chemo in my movie star sunglasses, with my INK magazine in hand, and 3 handsome men following me through the lobby. If only they had worn black suits and earpieces...) so I guess that means that today was pretty GREAT!!

Cheers to normal ANC, a massive cocoon of love and support, and another round of chemo under my belt!!

xoxo
Shelley

The Purge

2011-12-23T07:23:00.000-06:00

With the recent appointing of my Life Coach (hehe), I was strongly encouraged to upcycle some items that aren't being utilized anymore. So on a trail run, I gained some clarity (as usual) on a way to do this and feel really good about it. My friends who love to sell stuff are probably going to cringe at this thought, but I decided to just give it all away. I don't have time to mess around with selling each individual item and I would MUCH rather see my loved items go to a loving home.

Note to self: When you have cancer and decide to have a purge party, you should probably let people know that it's just to simplify life, not because you're dying! I kept plenty of stuff, no worries :)

I wasn't sure how to go about inviting so with a lack of time (of course), I decided to just cast a small net on Facebook of people who I knew would be interested even if only a few could make it. I wasn't sure how it was going to work and I really wanted to prevent brawls in my house over coveted items. hehe Luckily, everyone who came was very well-behaved and lots of people went home with some goodies. Coleen and Ashley even brought their own purge which was AWESOME! I got some goodies too!! :)

James did me the biggest favor by taking my toaster oven and all accessories off my counter. I need room to bake granola, people!! And every man needs a toaster oven, right James? ;) Several of the ladies and I swapped dresses, jackets, shoes, and well...pretty much every item of clothing known to man. I even scored a fur vest!!

Justin came to pick up Josh's train stuff for their little guy, Nate. Sarah and Justin are awesome running friends and their little man is such a cutie! He loves trains and Josh has really grown out of them and is totally consumed by Legos. Nate probably doesn't even realize what he got yet, but he scored a ton of Geotrax stuff and lots of Thomas the Train stuff. Josh was so excited to know that there is another little boy ready to love his stuff the way he did. And to make room for the Legos he asked for from Santa :)

Julia snagged a stack of books for her nephew Hudson, Erin (interim director of CMN) took some LeapPad stuff for Children's Miracle Network and the kids in PICU. Erin also gave me a sugar scrub manicure because she is awesome and knows that I can't go to a salon to get one because of my risk of infection. (thanks EM!) Maggie was my surprise..I haven't seen her gorgeous face in WAY too long. She stayed late and drank good wine with me. So thankful!! There were a lot of really awesome items that found new homes and whatever was left at the end of the day, was picked up a week later by Ozanam and donated to those less fortunate.

I totally plan on doing this again since my goal in life is to have less 'stuff' and live simply. Any excuse to spend the day with awesome friends is good enough for me :)

Result: Operation Purge was a HUGE success!!

xoxo
Shelley

You down with WBC? (Yeah you know me) Who's down with ANC? (Yeah, this la-dy)

2011-12-23T06:41:00.001-06:00

*WBC=white blood cell
White blood cells fight infection. The white blood count (WBC) is part of a complete blood count (CBC) that is used to check your blood counts. There are several types of white blood cells.
**ANC=Absolute Neutrophil Count

One measure of risk is the absolute neutrophil count (ANC). The ANC is calculated by multiplying the total white blood count by the percent of neutrophils (also called segmented neutrophils, segs, polymorphoneucleated cells or PMNs, polys)

Ok so here it is folks...the long awaited treatment update. I have told this story so many times and updated it on Facebook so frequently that I forgot to blog about it!! I haven't slept a wink all night from the steroid I got at chemo yesterday so now is as good a time as any :)

Since it has been quite a while since treatment started and things have changed pretty dramatically from the original plan, I'm going to start from the beginning and timeline this treatment for you. I feel more and more forgetful from the chemo brain every day so with the help of my calendar and what memory I have left, I'm piecing this together. Please forgive any repetition and if you get bored... there's a better blog post on its way :)

The basic idea of chemotherapy is to rid the body of faster growing cancer cells. While doing this, the drug also has an effect on the faster growing normal cells in our bodies. These include; the hair, the lining of our mouth, or the cells in the bone marrow that produce white blood cells (which help to fight infection), red blood cells (which carry oxygen through our blood), and platelets (which help to clot the blood and stop bleeding). The chemotherapy is timed to allow the body's normal cells time to recover between treatments.

Starting on August 11 and ending on September 22, I got 4 rounds of AC (Adriamycin and Cytoxan) chemo, with a two week break in between. The typical side effects of AC: alopecia (you know I was bald, right??), decrease of white blood cells, red blood cells and platelets, mouth sores, nail changes, discolored urine, severe sunburn with sun exposure, decreased appetite, taste changes, changes in menstrual cycle, bladder irritation, nasal congestion. Like having cancer isn't bad enough, right?

Well, lucky for me, I experienced VERY few of these. Ok, so I lost my hair. I actually met a gal who referred me to a site for an ice cap that you can wear during chemo to freeze your hair follicles and save your hair. You all know how much I loved my hair, but to be totally honest, in retrospect, I needed to lose my hair. I think it was like a rite of passage. It empowered me to battle this disease with confidence and to realize that I am defined by so much more than my long crazy tresses. I'm sure I already knew that, but what a great reminder. I felt really amazing bald! :) (note: I intend to grow these locks out, but I'm going to have some fun on the way there!)

I never had mouth sores, my nails are healthy and strong. I refuse to discuss the color of my urine with you, but I'm sure it's fine. I went to Colorado in August with normal sunscreen and didn't get burned so I guess that one's out. I am the hungriest cancer patient alive...ask any of my chemo dates or my running buddies! They'll all tell you that I never stop eating. Lori would only come to one full treatment and swears she gained 5 lbs because I had so many goodies (I think she's exaggerating a tad!) :) I haven't gained more than a couple lbs through all of this though because I'm still running and eating super healthy. My menstrual cycle wasn't your business before and is none of your business now so we're not going to talk about it :) I suppose my bladder is irritated...or maybe it's just me that's irritated since I have to pee so often! I drink water like I'm trying to drain Clinton Lake so it's not a surprise... Oh, I suppose I've had a bit of nasal congestion, but with a few neti pots, that was cured quickly (and no amoeba in my brain either!). So, I guess what I'm saying is that I made it through AC feeling pretty damn lucky!

So next up was 12 consecutive weeks of Taxol. The side effects were supposed to be much less, but since I didn't really experience any except the hair loss and chemo fog/chemo brain, I wasn't sure what to expect. The typical side effects are decrease of white blood cells, red blood cells and platelets, allergic-like reaction, numbness and/or tingling to fingers and toes, muscle aches, bone pain, mouth sores, hair loss, diarrhea

I did ok with WBCs (white blood cells) and the rest of my counts through most of AC until we got to the end. I was supposed to only have to wait 3 weeks to start the new chemo, Taxol, but I ended up having to wait 4 weeks instead. This was when the WBC/ANC monkey climbed on my back and I haven't been able to shake it yet. My friend Shelley2 (or Dr. Shelley) had taken the day off work to come with me to my first round of Taxol so it was really tough for me to tell her that my WBC's and ANC's (absolute neutrophil count) were too low for them to treat me. It was really the first roadblock I had encountered and it really did break my spirit...temporarily...until I met her for a drink that afternoon and took a deep breath, realizing that it was just ONE week out of 5 months and my body really needed it. My Dad was planning on flying in for my birthday the following week anyway so it really worked out for the best. I had to get 2 Neupagen shots to boost my counts on the two days prior to my first round on October 20. After weeks 2 and 3, my counts started to drop again so we changed the original plan of 12 consecutive weeks and decided to go 3 weeks on, 1 week off until the 12 rounds were completed. Chris was with me at the visit when I found that out and it really took the wind out of my sails. I was so thankful to have him there and that hug was one of the most necessary of my entire treatment. Don't get me wrong, they're all important, but that one got me back on track. It was with the realization that my WBC's and ANC's hate me that doc and I decided that short term disability from work was the best idea. Low counts really just mean that I have very little immune system and sitting in Dr. office lobbies during flu season is just downright stupid. I love my docs, NPs, nurses, and staff, but they didn't want to see me under those conditions either. (I miss you ALL!)

I definitely experience some muscle and bone pain which is a complete pain in the ass when I'm trying to keep running. I took a pilates reformer class and some yoga to help and the acupuncture is helping too. Still no mouth sores and no diarrhea (you were curious, weren't you?). And hair loss? Well, my eyebrows and eyelashes are thinner but my hair is growing back!! Maybe not as quickly as it will when chemo is all over, but I've definitely got hair! And if one more person tells me that I looked better bald... well, I know already! But I've got to go through this awkward stage if I ever want to get my hair back...and I do :)

Ok, so where are we now? I am still carrying this damn monkey and it's getting heavy! Despite starting a regular acupuncture regimen (which has helped with curbing the neuropathy (tingling) in my fingers & toes and energy levels) and a test run with some herbs to boost my counts, the only thing that has gotten me back to treatment has been my monthly shot of Neulasta on the Friday after my 3rd consecutive week of chemo and then a week off. So this is what the Taxol treatment plan looks like:

Oct 20, 27, Nov 3- Taxol treatments
Nov 3- Dr. Sharma visit to update treatment plan
Nov 10-OFF treatment
Nove 17, 25, Dec 1-Taxol treatments
Dec 1-Dr Sharma visit
Dec 8-OFF treatment
Dec 15, 22,29-Taxol treatments
Dec 28-Dr Sharma visit
Jan 5-OFF treatment
Jan 12, 19, 26-Taxol treatments
Jan 26...DONE chemo!!!!!!!!!! :)

My Taxol treatments are short and my days are nothing like the old AC days. In fact yesterday, Rick and I went out for a nice lunch, drank some beer, and had an amazing pasole dinner with Chris and Adam. Jealous? Yeah, they're all pretty amazing and awesome. :) I've had the luxury of having incredible chemo dates throughout my entire treatment. I'm throwing a shout out to my Dad and Mom (who hit quite a few between them), my work partner Lori (who is SO supportive), Chris (who is the busiest man I know but has been around more than anyone), Adam (who has been my 'crew' and has recently been appointed my Life Coach :) We are also organizing a flash mob if you are interested.) My little sister Lauren (who wins the 'longest distance traveled for a chemo date'. Let's hear it for Fairfax, VT!!) <3, my good friend Amber (who moved back from Salt Lake City just to be my date...or because her job moved her back...), Julia (whose 9 month old nephew just underwent a successful (!) MAJOR cranial surgery in Dallas yet she still found time over the last few months to worry about me), my friend Erin (no offense to anyone else, but she easily wins 'best chemo date gift'. She made me a fleece blanket that is so AWESOME that I sleep with it every night and bring it to treatment every week), Kelly and Desiree for frequently showing up to give me girl time and support. Andrea for the goodies on my first visit, Erin M for driving my loopy ass around, and my BFF Rick for taking an entire day to sit with me at chemo right before Christmas, and for continuing to feed me nutrient rich foods including the ridiculous pasole! Dr Shelley for TRYING to be my date and even taking a day off work for it...wait til surgery Shell, I will NEED you then! My friends Margit and Bart (and baby Roosmarijn) for bringing me organic veggies from their farm in Eudora and welcoming me and the kidlets into their home for dinner on more than one occasion. My kids for making me laugh...Annika for making breakfast every morning now and Josh for kissing my head every day before school. I love them without limits!! EVERYONE for the cards, the gifts, the words of encouragement, your time. I feel so lucky, so loved. And if I missed you and you don't feel like you belong in the EVERYONE category, I've got two words for you...chemo brain. You know I love you :)

After this chemo business is over (just 4 treatments away!!), we're going to start talking boobs. So if you're one of those who has been following and paying close attention, waiting for some good boob talk, stay tuned! I've decided to get a second opinion from a different plastic surgeon but either way, I'll be under the knife in late February/early March. And yes, they'll be fake, and eventually they'll be fabulous :)

Oh, and guess what!!! Next week, Kelly and I will be featured in an article in Ink magazine here in KC! Dec 28....look for it!

xoxo
Shelley

Our 'Modern Family'...Happy Spanksgiving!!

2011-12-04T01:05:00.003-06:00

I'VE GOT ALL MY SISTERS AND ME

me, 'Karen', Lauren, Tori

I used to crack a joke(that was probably only funny to me) that I have one 'real' sister and the others are imaginary. Funny! Right?! Well that couldn't be further from the truth. The reality is that I have 3 sisters who are all very real, all very different from each other. Over the years, we have evolved from a 23 year age gap to 4 adult women who love and respect each other very much. If you read my birthday blog, you know that I received the awesome birthday gift of a visit from my two younger sisters for Thanksgiving. Our eldest (and wisest, most beautiful, and intelligent) sister, Karen, lives in Hawaii and wasn't able to spend the holiday with us. We did find small ways to include her in our escapades and missed her...of course!

So, one of the most amazing thing about my sisters is how differently we are all related. Silly statement, right? Maybe so, but it's true! You could say that we are a 'blended' family...our own version of a Modern Family, I guess. We are proof positive that amazing, loving parents and good co-parenting can result in happy healthy relationships all around. Although genetically we don't all 'share' the same parents, we all have awesome parents and we really do share them in so many ways :)

Karen is my only 'full' biological sister. We share both the same (amazing) parents and all the same genes (except somehow she got the skinny ass and organization gene). We've been sisters since birth and will be sisters forever. We're very different but I think she is amazing and we love each other just the same :) I don't see her nearly often enough, but once this stupid cancer thing is over, I plan to see her much more. And it sure doesn't hurt that she lives in tropical paradise! :)

Then there's Lauren, who became my sister (technically stepsister) when I was in college. For those of you trying to do the math, she is 10 years younger than me and that was a loooong time ago :) Lauren is adorable, sweet, thoughtful, intelligent, responsible and I absolutely adore her. She has grown from my kid stepsister to an incredible adult and great friend. We share ZERO genes, but somehow I have more in common with her than I do most people. She has a great appreciation for good healthy food and good craft beer, she loves to run (yay!) and I truly enjoy every minute I spend with her. She is also the mastermind behind the Blue Footed Boobie t-shirts! (see pic above) Sisterhood wasn't forced upon us...Dad and Mary let us come about it in our own way...but it was so natural and I love her :)

Tori

And then last, but certainly not least, there's my 'baby' (half)sister Tori (Victoria Grace) who I've come to realize really isn't our baby sister anymore. I was 21 when she was born and she stole my heart the minute I saw her. Now, she has grown into a stunning, gorgeous young woman. I mean, look at her! She got the best genes from both sides obviously and her beauty isn't just skin deep. She is as beautiful inside as out :) I can't believe that next year, she is going to COLLEGE! I am excited to see the amazing things she accomplishes when she spreads her wings. Spending time with her as an adult is so weird for me but so much fun! It's hard to believe she's all grown up... :)

*If you've made it this far without needing to dry your eyes, congrats. I have not been so lucky. Through my cancer battle, my relationship with each of my sisters has been changed. I've always loved them, but now, I can't imagine life without them. I love you all and I'm so thankful for you :)

On a less emotional note (until I start writing about it-jeez!), we had an AMAZING action-packed few days and I sent Lauren and Tori back to NY/VT completely wiped out and exhausted :) We had so much fun that we had to create a new holiday to celebrate. It all started when they flew in late the night before Thanksgiving...

THANKSGIVING DAY

I thought the perfect way to kick off our holiday was of course to run the Ward Parkway Thanksgiving Day 5k with my sisters. Lauren and I are both pretty avid runners and since Tori is 17 and an athlete (although not a runner), we assumed she'd run circles around us. The girls bought me the greatest t-shirt in the airport on the way here so Tori and I wore matching shirts :) It was a chilly morning but sunny and really a beautiful day. We had a blast and although we surely didn't break any records, I can't think of a 5k that I've enjoyed more. Tori gave Lauren and I a nice little ego boost when we had to run backward to wait for her and practically drag her up the last hill. When we finished, she yelled 'never again!' but I'm pretty sure that she has already changed her mind... :) And I'm also pretty sure she'll never have a tall glass of milk before a race ever again!

Our adorable hosts :)

Lori, Laurie, Sherry

So after the race, we were invited to share a Thanksgiving meal with Sam and John and John's family visiting from Wisconsin. The food was fabulous, the company even better. Esther and Walt, John's 90-ish year old grandparents, were absolutely delightful and his parents were equally lovely. John smoked a turkey and it was ridiculously delicious aside a super healthy spread of quinoa stuffing, chipotle sweet potatoes, whipped cauliflower... really amazing food! I am so thankful to have such wonderful friends to welcome us into their home with their family on a holiday best spent with friends and family. You guys are the best! Thank you!! Love you!

After dinner, we picked up Adam and headed to the Country Club Plaza for the 82nd annual Plaza Lighting ceremony. Eric Stonestreet from Modern Family (how apropos) flipped the switch and we joined the crowd to celebrate.

A pre-lighting drink on the patio

Waiting to join the flash mob... hehe

Awesome fireworks!!

The masses

It was such a festive atmosphere and we shared lots of laughs...a night I will definitely remember. A perfect day to celebrate being thankful for the amazing people in my life. I can honestly say that since my diagnosis in July, I have counted my blessings more than I have my entire life. I might have cancer right this moment, but I also have amazing family, amazing friends, the ability to enjoy a happy life otherwise and for this, I am truly grateful.

So...we picked up the kids on our way home from the Plaza and went straight to bed...

SPANKSGIVING

When I woke up the next day, it just began as 'Friday'...chemo day this week since Thursday was a holiday. Lauren and I headed to the treatment center (with coffee in hand since my appointment was at 8am -yawn) and left Tori and the kiddos sleeping. I can't even tell you how nice it was to have Lauren with me at my treatment this week. It was weird to be there over a holiday. Half the lights were off in the building and the labs were closed so my normal routine was all messed up. Either way, we settled in and within an hour of getting started, Adam surprised us with a half dozen pumpkin spice glazed donuts. (You're the BEST-yum!) Time flew by and before we knew it, chemo was done and we headed home to pick up Tori and the kids to meet Kelly for lunch. I am SO happy that they got to meet her since she is really such an important part of my life. The food was really good and I got to introduce Lauren to Boulevard beer...good times :)

Lunch at The Farmhouse

My adorable kidlets :)

After a little shopping on the Plaza, we decided to take in the Luminary Walk at the Overland Park Arboretum. I mean, why not?! It was such a gorgeous night and who doesn't love a good luminary walk?! We were in a bit of a hurry since we hadn't eaten dinner, but we enjoyed every minute of it regardless. We made a decision on our way that we'd celebrate Josh's birthday early when we got home so you can imagine that at least one of us was a little excited to get home :)

Mom and kidlets

My hilarious sisters in their 'prom pose'-hehe

Just hanging out in chairs made just their size

Annika and Aunt Tori by the campfire, caroling with fresh warm cider

Aunt Lauren, me, Josh

We all got to share our Christmas wishes with Santa...mine was HAIR!! :)

On our way home from the park, we stopped to pick up the fixin's for a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. Since we had already celebrated Thanksgiving, Tori decided to create a new holiday for us to celebrate. Any good birthday party comes with spankings and so was born our new tradition...Spanksgiving!!

Happy Spanksgiving!!!

After dinner, Josh got to open presents which ended up being a gift to all of us. The only thing on Josh's list? LEGOS!!

Happy 6th Birthday and Spanksgiving, Josh!

Pure happiness :)

Lauren and Annika amidst Lego-mania!

We Skyped Aunt Karen, Jake and Will in Hawaii so they could celebrate Spanksgiving too!

The rest of our time together was really just hanging out and having lunch at the Westside Local.

Love <3

I'm still digesting the fact that they're gone even though it's been a week. I missed them before the visit and I miss them even more now. In the spirit of the holiday though, I'm going to choose to just be thankful that they were even able to come visit at all. Isn't there a saying 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"?? Well, that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Happy belated Spanksgiving!

xoxo

Shelley

Girls on the Run is so much FUN!!!...and other running stories

2011-11-30T12:07:00.000-06:00

This summer, I was approached by Sara, a good friend of mine (and also Annika's best friend's Mom), about starting a Girls on the Run program at our elementary school. She had been working with another mom who was interested in doing the same. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed right about this time so I wasn't much help in getting the program started. Also, the program didn't get the support of the school the way we all had hoped. Fortunately for all of us and our grade school girls, Sara felt strongly enough to pursue the program and offered her garage as a rainy day location. GOTR agreed and so our GOTR program was born. Thank you Sara, Merry and Tobi for giving our girls the gift of running!!! :)

When I signed Annika up for this program, it was for a few reasons. First and foremost, I LOVE to run and was introduced to it at a very early age. I grew up going to races on the weekends and cheering for my Dad. There were certainly some years (a decade) that I forgot how important it is to take care of my health and looked at his running passion as an obsession. Now, he's 65 and he really inspires me to stay healthy and keep running for my life. I want my daughter to have that in her back pocket. Second, the bottom line is that girls, in general, are NOT nice to each other! I think it's amazing to see a blended group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders running together and really treating each other with respect. SO important!! And third, but most importantly, she IS my mini-me so it's only appropriate that she should be a runner :) And her little body is built for speed!

You've already seen our practice 5k (if you don't remember, feel free to go back to my birthday post :) ) so you know we work hard. I have to say that watching these 12 girls develop over the 10 week program was so amazing. I saw some incredible focus and determination from some of these girls. They practiced twice a week for 10 weeks so it really kept them on track to complete the 5k. I was able to attend about half of these practices so I ran with a lot of the girls individually. Each girl picked a buddy to run with her for the race and of course, I was Annika's buddy. There were definitely times that I thought twice about that decision. I was pretty hard on her...knowing that she was capable of more than what she was doing. It retrospect, I would have handled my 'motivation' a little differently, but the end result is a 5k time that makes her really proud :) So on November 12, 2011, we joined hundreds of other runners for the GOTR 5k at Town Center!

Pre-race smiles :)

In the home stretch!

My little gal was getting tired! Thank goodness that was the finish!

So proud of you Annika Bea!!!

Every single one of our girls finished and each with a smile as wide as the Missouri river :D Congrats girls!! And THANK YOU coaches for making this such a successful program!!

The end result for Annika was as surprising to me as it was to her! She finished her first official 5k in 29:07, second out of our group of 12 runners and 19th out of 304 (!!) in her age group. Did I mention that we ran the ENTIRE race holding hands?? My back was sore for a few days, but the pride in my heart far outweighed the aches and pains. Girls on the Run really is SO MUCH FUN!

Annika on her cheerleading perch

After the race, I rewarded Annika with a salted caramel hot chocolate from Starbucks and she rewarded me with lots of hugs and smiles. Josh was with his Dad and Annika decided that she wanted to spend the rest of the day with me at the Pilgrim Pacer marathon, cheering on our friend Chris. He decided last minute to register for his first ever marathon to get it under his belt in preparation for the SilverRush 50mi trail race in Leadville, CO this upcoming summer. Chris has been an unwavering force in my life through my cancer treatment and being there to cheer for him seems to be small peanuts compared to what he's done for me. So, Annika and I headed to a spot on the course that was uninhabited by cheerleaders and climbed the rock wall at the playground there to cheer from up high. We were lucky enough to be joined by our friend Erin whose boyfriend Danny was also running the marathon.

Danny and Brian

When Chris came through, he was smiling but definitely hurting...from the pavement of course...so i decided that on his return trip from the out and back course, I would finish the last 3.5-ish miles with him. Erin so kindly took Annika to the finish line to cheer Danny and wait for us. Just before Chris came through, I got the funniest text from Erin...It read something like "need permission for ambulance to do soft tissue work"...followed by another one that read "*Annika". What???? I was totally freaked out so I called Erin only to find out that her phone auto-corrected 'Annika' to 'ambulance' and that it was just a text from Annika requesting to get a massage at the finish line. haha!! Apparently that 29:07 5k was pretty rough on her little body ;)

Anyway, full of adrenaline, I picked up Chris and along with Wael, and eventually Danny (who backtracked after his finish to create the first annual Chris Wristen 50k), we made our way to the finish. It was so nice to be by Chris' side as he accomplished such a huge goal. Our favorite photographer, Dick Ross, was there to capture our pacing team after Chris' big finish.

Congrats Chris!!! with Danny, Wael, Chris and me :)

So that was our Saturday... the week that followed was my highest mileage week since chemo started. Is it a surprise that I felt so motivated?? Thanks to my regular running crew...DD, Chris, Debbie, Deb, Coleen, James, Mike, Jim, Julie, Bobbi, Rick...and of course Adam who tore up the full SMP loop with me... I felt amazing all week.

11/18/11

Running

SMP-orange, violet, red

7.5

690

great

11/16/11

Running

Kill Creek Park

3.5

322

good

11/15/11

Running

SMP and Ogg Rd repeats

3.5

322

good

11/15/11

Yoga

9:15 Lifetime class

01:00:00

alright

11/14/11

Running

Lake Lenexa

368

good

11/12/11

Running

Pacer at the Pilgrim Pacer

3.5

322

great

11/12/11

Running

Girls On The Run @Town Center 5k

3.1

00:29:07

09:23

314

good

So on Saturday, November 19th, it was all I could do to NOT race the Lawrence Trail Hawks trail 10k, Sanders Saunter. I took first place female in this race last year and I knew that if I ran, I would be too hard on myself and not perform well anyway. There were some super speedy runners out there this year!! So along with Debbie, Deb, Jim, Ringo and Lizzie (canine sweepers), I helped sweep and de-mark the course. Everyone who knows me well knows that I love to volunteer and give back to the running community, but even I had no idea how much I would enjoy this day!

Lizzie, Deb and her amazing handmade flag carrier...brilliant!!

Jim, Debbie and Ringo cheering on the runners

Coleen and her Boobies, Debbie and me

James modeling some dirt...a trail runners favorite accessory :)

Me and Raven, the race director and dear friend :) Great race, Raven!!

So I added another 5 miles to my high (comparatively speaking) mileage week and took advantage of a gorgeous Saturday morning with incredible friends :)

I love my running family!!! <3

Thank goodness I ran so much because on Saturday after the race, I had lunch with my BFF and then headed to Adam's for the best pre-Thanksgiving feast EVER.

Good friends, good food, good times :)

Of course my running adventures haven't ended...nor have my real Thanksgiving and Spanksgiving escapades. But for those stories, you'll need to stay tuned! I've spent way too much time in front of this computer today and I've got a package full of bacon granola and coffee to send to a soldier (Debbie's son Mike) overseas.

Peace, Love, and Granola

xoxo

Shelley

OT100 or bust

2011-11-29T13:18:00.003-06:00

DESCRIPTION

'The Ozark Trail 100 Mile Endurance Run is a point-to-point 100 mile ultramarathon on the Ozark Trail through the Mark Twain National Forest in south central Missouri. The race is mostly on single track trail with several water crossings and approximately 12,000 to 15,000 feet of elevation gain. The trail surface varies from smooth dirt trail to moderately technical trail with lots of leaves covering the trail. The date for this event is November 5th, 2011.'

In early October, my running buddies were talking a lot about this 100 mile race that a few of them were planning on running or pacing. They were making cabin arrangements and discussing sleeping, driving, pacing and crewing logistics. I told Coleen that I was interested in going and I honestly don't think she even gave it a second thought, knowing I must be joking, right? As we neared the race, I reiterated that I wanted to go and that I would be happy to crew her for the race since Debbie was going to pace for a large part of it, leaving no one to meet them and take care of them at aid stations. I was also excited to watch Adam run his first 100 and planned on being there to cheer him on anyway. He had all of his pacers and crew lined up, but I knew he'd be with Coleen for at least the first 20 miles of the race. She now knows that when I say I'm going to do something, I'll do it! And now that I've been bit by the bug, I'll be asking her to return the favor someday :) What follows is my 'race report' (from a crew perspective of course)...

Debbie (pacer extraordinaire) changing headlamp batteries

We left early on Friday morning since I had chemo on Thursday. I wasn't sure how I'd be feeling so we opted for 'better safe than sorry'. As it turns out, I felt fantastic. We got to Bass' River resort in Steelville, MO early afternoon and it was an absolutely beautiful day. There were about 11 of us staying in the cabin so we arranged ourselves in tetris form and relaxed a bit before the pre-race dinner. Amanda (one of Adam's pacers) and I went for a couple mile run to stretch out after the 5 hour drive. We took some time to get organized and prepared for the next day. Coleen and Adam were going to take the bus to the start line (since it's a point-to-point race), not expecting anyone to be up early enough to drive them. Clearly they didn't know my enthusiasm for crewing...of course I would drive them to the start line!!

It was tough to sleep with so much energy in the cabin, but we all got at least a few hours before we got up at 2-3 am. Coleen, Adam and I were up but of course so was Debbie to say goodbye, give hugs and go back to bed for some good rest before her pacing duties started. So we followed the buses to the start and had some great conversation the whole way there. Religion, politics, why not?!

Yay! Pre-race self portrait :D

Stu (co-RD) sending Coleen off with a hug

Hugs are always good luck!

So I sent Coleen and Adam off on their merry way at 6 am...

After I sent them off, I drove to Sutton Bluff which was the first crew access aid station, around mile 17.6. It was in their plan to stick together for the first 20 miles so I expected to see them come in together. I knew it would be quite a while before they got there so I attempted to close my eyes and perhaps get a little snooze. My body was having none of it. I got out of my car and made friends with Ginger McLemore whose husband Clark was racing (he took 5th place!) What a nice lady! And while we were chatting, I realized that I had forgotten to fill up with gas before the day's events. I really didn't realize how deep in the Ozarks we were and that there really weren't any gas stations on our route. She loaned me a map of Missouri and I got directions to a small town within 10 miles where I could get gas. Yikes! Anyway, I had to wait for Adam and Coleen before that anyway, so I did. And along they came, bouncing and happy :)

Looking good!!

Bathroom or aid station first?

Pink Pigtail Ultrarunner running her 7th 100 miler...in and out in moments. She's a pro!

Adam filling his pack with help from a 'local'

After seeing them both through, I headed to Centerville to get gas and had my first 'banjo moment' of the trip. As it turns out, the gas station wasn't in the center of town anymore...or so the five or so people in the diner told me. The reason I drove right past it on the 'highway' was because there was a huge flea market in front of the pumps. Well, of course there was... Anyway, I filled up. :)

The next crew access was Brooks Creek, mile 43.5 where Coleen and Adam could start picking up pacers. Amanda and Debbie were eager and waiting for them to come in. First Adam came through looking fantastic and full of energy...

Hugs for Mom and Dad

Quick shoe change

And then we saw Coleen bopping through the woods...so easy to spot with the pink hair!

Pink Pigtailed Ultrarunner!

Debbie was ready for her 69 mile pacing duty! :)

The next few aid stations have no pictures to tell the story so I'll have to dig deep. After leaving Brooks Creek, I headed to Hazel Creek, mile 68.5. When I got there, my intention was to help PT and Po Boy with their aid station. What actually happened was that I decided to rest a bit and read a book until we started to see runners coming through. There was a great campfire at Hazel so after I woke up from a little snooze in the car, I hung out by the fire waiting for the runners to come through. This is where Adam switched pacers and picked up Ang. He and Amanda had a good 25 miles and Ang was ready to kick him into high gear. After they took off, we roasted Adam's wet socks over the fire and dried out his shoes just in case he'd need them later on.

We saw a lot of drops at Hazel...the warm campfire and access to crew always makes it tough. When Coleen came in, she looked a little tired, but really pretty fantastic for having run almost 70 miles! We got her some vegan broth to take the chill off and let her take a 10 minute nap under a blanket in a chair. People were bugging her so I doubt she got much rest, but it seemed to be enough to get her to jump up and take off again. (Have I mentioned yet how much of a badass she is??)

The next stop was the Berryman aid station, mile 81.5. Adam's parents, Amanda and I caravanned to Berryman since it was a little tough to find. I honestly barely remember seeing Adam come through although I feel like it happened pretty quickly. He was so excited that he and Ang had been passing a lot of people and he had moved up to 8th place overall! I spent most of my time in my car after Adam's crew left, trying to rest. It was the middle of the night and I hadn't had more than a half hour nap at one time. I finally got a decent hour under my belt when I woke up with a start. I ran to the aid station, realizing that there was a chance that I slept through my girls coming in! Serendipitously, I saw two headlamps coming and sure enough, there they were! My internal clock must have known Coleen's pace. She didn't spend long at Berryman, just enough to give Stu the evil eye for lying about the wet course and of course to refuel. After they took off, I knew that I only had one more stop to see them before the finish.

Are you SURE I'm going to finish? We all knew he was going to finish!!

I went back to the finish line before deciding to head to Henpeck Hollow, Mile 96, to see Adam through his final stop. At this point, there were hours between him and Coleen so I thought I could see him and still get some rest before the finish. He came in looking tired...finally!! I was starting to wonder if he was superhuman and I'm honestly still not sure :) He was concerned that he hadn't been able to eat. At one point, he grabbed me by the shoulders, looked me square in the eye and said 'I can't eat. Tell me the truth, am I going to finish??' My response of course was 'Of course you're going to finish!! You're only 7 miles from the end. Now go!!' :)

Adam and his last pacer off to brave the final 7 miles...

We went back to the cabin to get some sleep before his big finish... or to sleep right THROUGH his big finish!! Yeah, that's right, we totally underestimated how fast he would blow through his final miles. When he left Henpeck Hollow, he was power hiking but apparently got a second...or third, or fourth...wind! We woke up just in time to sprint to the finish line and see him *just after* he finished. I know his mom was so upset that she missed it :( We might have missed the finish, but we're still so proud of you!! :)

Who wears a 5k shirt to a 100 mile race? This guy!

Cutest crew/pacing team EVER!

Me, Coleen, Debbie...These two inspire me beyond words :)

The next few hours were a blur, but I went back to Henpeck Hollow to hang out with Patsy and wait for our runners to come in. The ladies at the aid station were nice enough to make me a grilled cheese and Patsy let us use her chair for Coleen to check her feet. After seeing Patsy's hubby and Coleen through, we headed to the finish. I decided that I'd like to run/walk the last half mile-ish in with Coleen and Debbie so Amanda dropped me at the bridge where I could pick them up. After a long couple days, it was so exciting to see them come around the bend.

Congrats Coleen!!!

So we decided to compare what 100 miles does to feet...

Coleen...oweeeee!!

Adam...what the hell?? Did you even run??

And then celebrate at the awards ceremony!!

Yay for Adam's first 100 miler!! 8th overall!!!

Holy crap Coleen!! SEVEN 100 mile finishes. Such an inspiration :)

We drove back to KC immediately following the awards, stopping only to fill our faces with Chipotle in Columbia (I ate an entire veggie burrito while driving and didn't spill so much as a grain of rice!). What an amazing weekend with amazing people. Sometimes I wonder how it is that I got so lucky to have these people surrounding me during such a volatile time in my life. Watching Adam with his million dollar smile and positive outlook through his first 100 and Coleen, with her pink pigtailed badassness...Debbie with her maternal instinct and loving hugs... Deb & Stu for their kindness and organization, James with his ridiculous pineapple cookies...all of the incredible people I met through Adam (love his parents!! Ang, Amanda, Melody, Teri and Carrie), or at the aid stations (Ginger, Patsy...nameless people I could only recognize in the dark!). The Sheridans-best ((hugs)) ever!...PT and Po Boy...jeez, the list goes on and on...When I read my own words and think back on the weekend, it isn't hard to justify exactly why it is that these races and people are so important to me. I love you all!!

xoxo

Shelley

Halloween 2011=Multiple Personality disorder

2011-11-23T01:18:00.000-06:00

For the past 3 years, I have participated in a charity fundraiser fashion show for my hair stylist, part owner of Headmasters salon in Lawrence, KS. Three years ago, it was a fundraiser for Harvesters and the past two years have been for the Boys and Girls Club. Micki is the one who shaved my head and has been a close friend for almost 5 years. I wasn't really expecting to be part of the fashion show this year for obvious reasons (uh, yup, I'm bald), but Micki was insistent that we could do something cool. She had a femme fatale in mind and after doing some brainstorming, we settled on Alice from Resident Evil as a foundation for my costume. First, she is a badass. Second, she wore a red dress in Resident Evil reflective of the 'red devil' that I had just conquered with my AC chemo. Third, well...I have always wanted to carry a gun in a thigh holster. Secret exposed.

The show was under attended, but was a blast for me. The past couple of years I haven't really been nervous but this year, I freaked a little because I hadn't rehearsed...and maybe because in the past, my hair was the center of attention where this year it was the lack of?? Regardless, it was fun and I had a great night with my salon friends and Ben who came from KC to watch. I felt like a total badass in that costume and intend to wear it again :)

Pre-runway with a G&T to take the edge off

I was a zombie hunter after all... so I hunted zombies

As amazing as the costume was, I didn't think it was entirely appropriate to wear to the elementary school costume parade so I had to find another costume to wear that was 'kid-friendly'. With my counts so low, an elementary school isn't the ideal place to hang out so I really needed to wear a medical mask to keep the germs at bay. Thus was born the next personality...

Dr. Shelley Pepper, MD...you can call me Dr. Pepper :)

My kids cracked up as did most of their friends. It was a fun costume for sure! But when I got invited to an adult Halloween party, I decided that I really needed to rock the bald and find a costume that would embrace it. I mean, hopefully I won't have another bald Halloween, right?? What better costume than the female version of Mr. Clean? In a group setting, it is safest for me to have tons of hand sanitizer on hand anyway! So the next personality was an easy one...Mrs. Clean!

Mrs. Clean with party hostess, Alice in Chains

Me with the creepy clown guy. Nightmares.

All of that happened before actual Halloween so on Monday, the REAL Halloween, I reverted back to the most comfortable costume for trick or treating. We were lucky enough to have friends join us for Dinner in a Pumpkin and a really warm night of trick or treats.

Josh's side of the pumpkin... >:-(

Annika's side :)

Dr. Pepper, Lego Josh, and Cavegirl Annika

What a fun Halloween and a chance to be so many different things... I still like who I am without a costume best but dressing up is fun. If you ever need to borrow a thigh holster...you know who to ask!

xoxo

Shelley

Happy Birthday to ME!!

2011-11-23T00:21:00.000-06:00

Those of you who know me well know that I am *rarely* on time with birthday gifts, if you get one at all. It is with that in mind that I choose to post my own birthday wishes to myself a month late... Why should I be any different? :)

For 39 years, I guess I've taken my birthday for granted. When the word 'cancer' creeps into your life, somehow you learn to appreciate the finer things in life...like having another birthday to celebrate. I know it's a little crazy, but a few years ago, I started rounding my age up to 40. Really. Why? Hmmm...I'm not really sure, but I can't WAIT to be 40! Maybe it has something to do with running...competing in the Masters age group (over 40) is enticing... or maybe it's because turning 30 changed my life for the better. Maybe 40 will be even better yet? Either way, I've got one more year to know for sure and I will make it there in better shape than when I hit 30. And I will have a new set of boobs! But for now, I'm stuck with boobs full of cancer and only 39 years under my belt...

Regardless of still being stuck in my 30's, October 19 was an awesome day. Aside from the abundance of Facebook wishes ( I really love those by the way), my Dad was in town from NY (yes, AGAIN!) and Annika had a practice 5k with her Girls on the Run group. I got to do so many of my favorite things...spend time with my family, run, and drink wine/eat cake with my friends and family, kids included. I also got the absolute BEST birthday gift a girl could ask for...my sisters got plane tickets to come see me for Thanksgiving!! It doesn't get much better than that! I can't WAIT!!!!!

Josh and Gramps rocked the cowbells and worked our aid station

Ready, Set, GO!!

My favorite running buddy!! <3

Congratulations Annika! You did it!! Girls on the Run is so much FUN!

It was chilly but fun!!

After the freezing cold practice 5k, we headed home to get ready for our friends to come over for dinner and cake...

Josh with Asha, Aylin and Atticus chowing down

So happy to have my Dad and kiddos to celebrate!

My Pops and Me (with my awesome new wine glass that Debbie gave me!!)

Mark, me, Josh, Julia, Ger

The beautiful cake that my neighbor Toshia made! Toshia's hubby Mark^^^^ came over to celebrate for both of them because she was sick :( We need a do-over!

DD lit my candles...

I don't tell my wishes or they don't come true...but I bet you could guess ;)

Erin and Danny...Erin is a big supporter of Blue Footed Boobies

Great friends, good times... (Debbie is behind the camera!) Julia, me, Ger, Chris, Danny and Erin

Through all of this cancer crap, my family in NY has had the opportunity to meet and get to know my friends and 'family' here. My family worries about me, I know this for sure. But when they see the amazing people that I have in my life, there is a reassurance that I will be ok if they can't be here for every step of this battle. Of this bunch, all have played the role of chauffeur, chemo date, running therapist, or chore support...some have played ALL roles :) I cannot express how fortunate I feel to have so many incredible people in my life who do not waver in their support and abundant generosity and affection. Obviously not everyone could make it to the party since it was rather impromptu and on a random Wednesday night. Either way, I am a lucky lucky girl. I love you guys!!

Happy belated Birthday to me!

xoxo
Shelley

Kidlets

2011-11-11T17:50:00.001-06:00

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in July, one of my biggest concerns...fears...was what I was going to tell my kids (ages 5 and 8) and how they would handle the news. So like I mentioned in previous posts, I got a stack of books from the resource center and sat down with them the same way Steve and I did when we told them we were getting divorced. We handled it responsibly, calmly and with their best interest in mind. The way they've handled my cancer is unbelievable really. They are not just kids, kidlets, sprouts, children...whatever you want to call them, but I've realized that they are just smaller human beings, little people with emotions as big as ours. We've laughed about it, cried about it, and dealt with it. Through all the rounds of chemo, sleepless nights and foggy brained Mommy, we've also managed to have some fun.

After Nana left, I was in a small state of panic. It was the first time since my treatment started that I was really going to have to stand on my own two feet. (Ok, so my Dad booked a ticket to come shortly after because he was worried about me, but I was on my own for a little while anyway.) It is always easier for me to manage the kids when we are outside with fresh air and space to move and breathe. I think that's my 'thing', but they seem to do well outside too. The Saturday after Nana left, we decided to spend our day Letterboxing. It's similar to geocaching and is still something new to us. Basically, there's a 'treasure' left hidden somewhere with instructions to get to it in a post online. There was one at the nature park close to our house so we packed up some water and snacks and headed to the park.

Annika and Josh

Mommy and Josh

Can you see the deer over her shoulder?

Are these kids cute or what??

Yay! We found it! The letterbox was under the pile of rocks that Josh is standing on

Treasure!

That's a happy kid :)

They are amazing kids, aren't they? One unseasonably warm day in the middle of October while I was cooking and cleaning, the kids were outside playing with sidewalk chalk. They had been out there quite a while when Annika yelled 'Mom, come see!!' So I went out on the deck and tears immediately filled my eyes.

Who are these little people?!? <3 I love them with my entire being.

Josh has gotten to a point that everything pink or shaped like a ribbon makes him think of cancer. While we were hiking, he noted a leaf on the ground that had turned red, but looked pink on the opposite side. He said 'Look! A cancer tree!!' And we went to an event where there was a balloon man and what did Josh have made? A cancer ribbon. He is so thoughtful!

Last weekend, while I was out of town with a group of amazing friends at the Ozark Trail 100 trail race (separate post to come SOON!), the kids were at their Dad's house. Annika and her best friend, Sydney, had a bake sale in the neighborhood to raise money for cancer (I think they mean cancer research, but it's the thought that counts) :) They have been talking about community service in the Girls on the Run program and Syd is part of the community service club at school. I got the pics texted to me from Sydney's Mom (and the GOTR coach) my awesome friend Sara. Once again, these amazing little people brought me to tears.

Annika and Sydney

The girls with their 3rd grade teacher, Miss O'Neal...we LOVE her!

The cupcakes they sold <3

These girls have HUGE hearts and I love them!

I try so hard to remember all of the thoughtful and anecdotal things the kids have done throughout this entire ordeal, but there are too many to note them all. I am just so thankful that we have raised such amazing little people who clearly love me as much as I love them :) We are all learning some valuable lessons through all of this and I am confident that we will all come out a little stronger than we are today.

xoxo
Shelley

Huzzah!!

2011-11-11T13:00:00.001-06:00

After the final round of chemo and before the topless photo shoot, I had to pack my weekend with fun stuff to do to show my Mom a good time before she had to go back to NY. So the day before the photo shoot, I 'let' her stay home with the kiddos (thanks Mom!) so I could go cheer on my friends at the Lawrence Trail Hawks' Shoreline Shuffle 5k.

Discussing serious business with Karen, the race director :)

Adam (who took 2nd!) and I sporting the latest in LTH apparel. Gary presented me with this shirt as a gift (Thanks Gar!)...the back says "FLONES-Chief Granolier" :)

Afterward, the kids and I took Nana to the KC Renfest. Mom loves all things Renaissance so on such a gorgeous day, we hit the festival and got our Huzzah on.

Turkey leg! A staple at all Renaissance feasts!

Josh in Boots

Ribbit

Josh was upset that he had to be a girl...and I am Botticelli's Venus :)

This is for Papa

My handsome little guy

and my beautiful girl <3

Annika loves the fairies

Whoa...Nana and the kids watching the amazing Jason

gasp!

Apparently my behavior at the festival was not acceptable.

What a wonderful way to spend a weekend. Thank you Mom/Nana for an amazing three weeks. Shortly after this, we had to put her on a plane and send her home to upstate NY. We miss you!

xoxo
Shelley

Rated XXX...read with caution!! ;)

2011-11-11T12:16:00.001-06:00

My photog friend, Bo Flores, posted on his Facebook page that he was doing a topless rooftop photo shoot for breast cancer awareness. When I approached him about it, he was shocked, not knowing that I had been diagnosed. From there, I recruited friends who recruited their friends and families and we all went topless in downtown KC. This was a test shoot to raise money for the Young Survival Coalition, an amazing organization that was started in KC for young women with breast cancer. (I have used their website for support and resources more than any other.) Next year, Bo has dates in several cities across the nation to do the same, but for Susan G. Komen.

Deciding to do this was easy for me...I never hesitated, having very little modesty anyway :), but I know that for many of the women, it was a tough thing to do. It shocked me that my Mom decided to do it, as an 8 year survivor of breast cancer. She (unlike me) is very modest and I am so proud of her for taking the plunge. It was amazing to have her by my side. The most difficult thing for me was that through so many rounds of chemo, the steroids caused me to bloat and gain weight. Very few of my jeans fit so I rocked super tight jeans and got over it in a hurry. If people look at these pics and think of how tight my jeans look or that someone's ass looks fat, they're missing the point anyway...

Thanks for getting nekkid with me, girls!!

Debbie and me

I am so proud of you Mom!!

Look for the dome...there we are!

Incredible. What an experience.

DD and me

I have this framed (Thanks Sam!) on my desk at home. Kelly (my inspiration), Sam (our co-survivor), me
This has been quite a year for the three of us. Thank you for your friendship girls! <3

In all my glory...a most empowering experience.

So now we'll have to decide what city to hit next year for the real shoot. What?? It was fun and for a GREAT cause!

xoxo

Shelley

Round 4 vs. AC Chemo... TKO!!

2011-11-11T11:35:00.001-06:00

On September 22, I had my final round of AC chemo. I was so very lucky to have my Mom with me for the two weeks prior and to celebrate the last round. Having her support is so important to me. There are a few things you should know...

One... my mom is incredible. I know it must have been difficult to live with me for the three weeks that she was here. I was cranky and foggy and not my normal self for much of it. I had a really difficult time adjusting to 'chemo brain' and my frustration led me to be hard on the ones I love the most. My mom, my dad, my kids... She worked so hard at my house to help me with housekeeping and my kids. I don't know if I properly thanked her and I know that I didn't make her feel as appreciated as I should have. I love you Mom! You are a wonderful friend to me and an amazing mother. Thank YOU for everything you did and continue to do for me. The 'chemo brain' felt like someone stuffed my head with cotton and it was easy for me to get overloaded with information. I couldn't focus and had a hard time if things around me were moving too quickly...really!

Two... that last round of AC chemo didn't really hit me as hard as I thought it would. I learned in my 3rd chemo that I could pass on the Ativan that they were giving me before each treatment. It's supposedly an anti-nausea med, but it made me feel nauseous, crappy and groggy so I said 'No, thanks' :)

Three... weeeeellll, maybe it hit me harder than I thought because when it came time for me to start my once weekly Taxol treatments on October 13, my white blood cells and absolute neutrophil counts were down too far for them to treat me. I had to wait a week, get 2 shots of Neupagen, and start Taxol on October 20. It was quick, easy and had very few side effects. I had my second Taxol on Oct 27 and my third on November 3rd. And then I was told by my oncologist that although I feel great, my body can't keep up with the chemo. I've had SEVEN treatments within 3 months. Most people have 4 in that time. It's the dose dense regimen that works best with triple negative breast cancer. So now (and I'll post separately on this too), I will have to skip every 3rd treatment and that will extend my chemo an additional 5 weeks. Really? I'm so over it. Let's get this DONE! I'll create a timeline in a future post...

Back to my last round of AC... After it was all said and done, my Mom and friend Desiree took me to lunch at The Westside Local , the restaurant that I am part owner of and love with my entire being. We sat on the patio and enjoyed the beautiful fall day :)

Cheers!!! And yes, I'm wearing Sea Bands on my wrists...what?? They help with nausea! :)

Me and my amazing Mom. Does it look like we've been crying? Tears of joy! AC is OVER!

So there you have it. Yes, I survived AC chemo. It's over, done and I don't ever want to dance with the Red Devil again. Please support breast cancer research efforts so I don't have to worry about it, ok? Thanks :)

xoxo
Shelley

Runner's High...or Are these runners high?!?!

2011-11-11T11:00:00.001-06:00

September 11, 2011...

Yes, it was the 10 year anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade center. It was ALSO the day after (when the runners finished!) the inaugural Hawk 100 trail race at Clinton Lake in Lawrence, KS. To most of the world, this may not seem all too important. To the people running and those who love them, it was a HUGE deal!

Who runs 100 miles in the woods for fun, you may ask? Oh, I know a few people...

Coleen, me, Debbie (and Chris in the background!)

Coleen (you've met her before and she's tough to miss with the pink hair!) won this race and it was her SIXTH hundred mile finish. Debbie had so many obstacles preventing her from finishing this race, but she DID and she looked beautiful doing it too :)

Debbie's son, Michael is currently serving in the US Army and is in Afghanistan. She is the most amazing, loving mother and his safety is always her #1 concern. When she got news that his safety might be in danger, it almost put her out of commission in the middle of the woods. With the support of her friends, her pacers and her inner strength, she persevered and finished well under the 32 hour cutoff. I dragged my Mom and kids to Clinton Lake so I could surprise her at an aid station and after almost 90 miles of running, she gave me a huge hug and carried on. I love this lady. She has been like a mother/sister/amazing friend to me through this entire ordeal (as so many of my close friends have!). Our talented friend Chris (you've met him before too!) wrote a fantastic article that you may want to read...

What does this have to do with breast cancer? Yeah...nothing. As I sat down to blog, I realized that much of my life right now has NOTHING to do with breast cancer. Surely you're all sick of reading about it anyway, right? I feel so lucky that for the most part, I am still able to do the things I love to do. In about 10 more blog posts, you'll see pics from the most recent race I went to and got bit by the bug. When this cancer crap is all said and done, hold me to it, the two girls above are going to get me through a hundred miler too. Just wait.

xoxo
Shelley

Who are these people??

2011-11-11T10:40:00.001-06:00

In a long overdue attempt to catch up this blog, I'm going to chronologically post some quick posts on what's been happening...

Shortly after my head shaving party, my work partner, Lori, organized a party at her house since most of my team couldn't make it to the shaving. It was intimate and exactly what I needed. My mom got to meet all of my coworkers and my kids got to play. We ate my favorite pizza, drank lots of wine, and shed some tears. A year ago, I didn't even know these people existed...today, they are some of my closest friends. I've known Paige for longer than the rest and she had these absolutely amazing shirts made. They took up a collection to help me pay for the healthy, organic foods that I need to keep my body healthy and to help put a dent in my medical bills. Cancer isn't cheap! Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I am so thankful for all of you. <3

How awesome are these people?? I love you all!!

Me and the kiddos after Paige kicked their butts playing soccer in the yard

My boss Kelly. She is amazing and I am so thankful to have her in my corner!

My Mom!! Have I mentioned how lucky I am that my Mom got to spend THREE weeks with me? I love you Momma!

The amazing shirts that Paige had made for us. You rock, Paige!!

Some of you may not know, but a week and a half ago, I decided to take short term disability (per my doctor) because my white blood cell and absolute neutrophil counts are having a tough time keeping up. Hanging out in doctor's offices is not the best place for me to be. I cannot believe how lucky I am to have a company, a boss, a team of amazing people who have afforded me this opportunity. I'll be back sooner than you think!! :)

Novo Nordisk peeps...you are the best!!!!

xoxo
Shelley

The Buzz of a Lifetime

2011-10-05T00:49:00.000-05:00

Wow. So long overdue. Sorry! I finally got the chance to get a little caught up. I am sacrificing a run so you had better appreciate it!! :)

The 'buzz'...this is quite a story. I have actually teared up a couple of times just looking at the pictures. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have these people in my life. I love you. You know who you are even if you don't get a mention in this blog post (I will do my best!).

While I was in Leadville, I was considering canceling the head shaving party because I hadn't lost a single hair. My stylist, Micki, was going to be out of town and the planning was becoming a huge stressor for me. That only lasted a few days though and by Wednesday of that week, I started shedding. On chemo day, just TWO weeks after I started chemo, I was losing hair so bad that it was making a huge mess in my house. The planning happened quickly and invites only went out via Facebook. It was the only way I could do it in such a short time with everything else going on...

side note: My dad hates hair. He thinks it's gross and gags a little if he finds a hair anywhere. A wad of gum with a hair in it would pretty much send him into convulsions. Well, remember that he is my houseguest during this time and it was a wise choice to shave it all off and save his stomach. Love you Dad :)

Ok, so August 27, two days after Chemo 2, we had a big ole bash at Headmasters in Lawrence, KS. Micki was back in town (but exhausted, weary from travel, and pregnant!) and so amazingly generous with the salon and her time. I love the staff there and they are like family to me. I can't imagine having shaved my head anywhere else :) My friend Kelly who owns Planet Sub (Yello Sub in Lawrence) generously donated sandwiches and Sam brought The Bar :). I got cupcakes from Celestial Bakery owned by my friend Bobbi to satisfy the youngsters in the crowd (and maybe a few adults). Other than that, aside from a quick narration, I think the story may be best told in pictures!

Mommy and Annika hungry for burgers!

My dad, the kids and I went to The Burger Stand in Lawrence for a burger before the big shindig. It was quick but delicious and fun! The kids were having a tough time getting used to the idea so we had to distract them somehow. When we got to Headmasters a little early for the party, I discovered that my friend Lee (He is awesome. That is all.) made an appointment early to come in, shave for me and get a pink S in the back of his head. CRAZY! But so incredibly awesome. He had previous obligations and had to leave before the party started but his presence in my life has been something I cannot explain. Lee and his wife Jenny are just the coolest people that I've barely ever met. :) The world is better with them in it.

Super Lee!! <3

SO many people showed up and there is no way I can post pics of them all. If you showed up with pink hair, shaved your head or kept me occupied during chemo, you got an automatic bid :) Or if we share genes...

Sam is the BEST bartender and an amazing friend. She made some watermelon, basil (fresh from her garden), gin deliciousness that even a girl on blood thinners can enjoy. Thank you Sam!!

My running friends are the craziest and the BEST!! Coleen is quite simply an amazing friend :)

Julia was sick :( and neither of us breathed while the photo was being taken, but she made the trek to Lawrence anyway...because she's awesome :)

Words cannot describe how thankful I am to have Kristy and Jeff in my life. Kristy is the reason I got a second opinion (you've read about her :) ). It may be safe to say that she saved my life. Thank you Kristy!

She was my running buddy before and my friend now. We WILL be running buddies again. Love you DD.

I think it shows how special Chris is to me :) Is it coincidence that we became running buddies and got to know each other so well before I was diagnosed? His mom is a survivor, his sister is an oncology nurse, and he is amazing.

I have no idea who this guy is, but we let him in and gave him wine because he is cute and bald. Kidding! He's my DAD :) Can't you tell? Oh just wait, it becomes more obvious...

Micki was a pink feather machine! She donated the feathers and her time. She is AMAZING!! I love you Micki!
Mandy models the latest style in pink feathers. And look at the line! I see Karen and Kristi...

There are so many more pictures that were taken very generously by the incredibly talented Sarah Holmes from Real Life Images. The album can be viewed on the Real Life Images KC website.I don't think I can use her pics on my blog (at least I can't figure out how to!) but there are some incredible pics in there. She is so talented! Thank you Sarah!!
Ok, so the moment of truth...

It was a little like a strip tease...

The crowd was riveted...

Am I demented? Why on earth do I look so happy here??

When I look at this pic, I just feel happy. My little guy is smiling and so am I. It really felt so good to just get it off!!

It feels funny! Hee hee

There's nothing like a good head rub to welcome a freshly shaved head.

Especially followed by a hug. <3 Coleen

We've turned Sam into a hugger for sure. I'm blaming Kelly...she started it!

We can go from sentimental to party in a matter of moments. We're good like that.

I've sure missed these girls! I am not going to shave my head again to get us all together!

Me and my amazing Dad :) NOW can you see the resemblance??
Having him by my side has definitely given me lots of fight!

'You really have a nicely shaped head!' or was it advice on how to properly care for the dome?

My incredible friend Micki. Tired from traveling, pregnant and STILL gave her time and business to help me. Love you Micki <3

Ok, well thank goodness that's over!
For the record, I didn't expect anyone to shave their head for me. Sam had just grown hers back in from when she shaved with Kelly and I just couldn't ask anyone to do that. After Lee left, and after my shaving, when it came time for the clippers to get stowed, the rest of my heroes showed up. And when I got home, a couple more showed up too. I love you all, more than you will ever know. Thank you. It makes a girl feel pretty darn special :)

Amy so generously offered to shave the boys. Thanks Amy!! And I'm pretty sure someone was trying to pay her off to leave Chris' hair just like that... :)

Chris has been there listening to me vent from day 1 and now he's letting me beat on him. I know it looks like a promo for Rocky XVI, but it's not :)

After almost everyone left, my BFF Rick decided to go under the razor too. I had no idea!!!

Maybe a little trepidation??

Rick, me, Chris...two of my heros. I love you both so very very much!

So then we totally wigged out...

Don't even ask. No, I did not have more fun :)

Annika loved trying on the wigs!

Rick and Annika wigging out!

Closer to normal, but...nah...bald is beautiful

After too much wine, we can get him to do anything :)

I have a feeling that this blonde DID have more fun

When I got home, I got a call from my friend Andy. He and his girlfriend skyped me from Seattle to show me the un-local Buzz :)

Andy...hero. I have so much to say about this guy, but I'll save it. For now, I'll just say that he went bald for me. And he won the bronze medal in the World Championship road 100k in Winschoten Netherlands shortly after. Awesome.

Oh wait... and then I found out that my new brother-in-law buzzed too!!

Thank you Mike! I am so happy that Lauren brought you into our family :)

There are so many more pictures where these came from, but the story has been told. There is one critical piece of this that is missing, however. My friend Kelly. She was there, she laid low and kept a low profile. In fact, she took a lot of these pics. There is an amazing picture that Sarah captured and you can see it by viewing the gallery on her website. It doesn't matter if there were zero pics of Kelly and I together, her presence is strong regardless. Just knowing that she was there somewhere gave me a ridiculous amount of strength and confidence. I went to Kelly's head shaving in March of this year. She has no idea how much she inspires me. Love you Kelly <3

Which brings me to one more thought...

People frequently ask me how my kids took it. Well, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. If I had gotten a second opinion on my ultrasound/mammogram results back in December, Kelly and I could have gone through this together. I truly believe that my kids needed to understand a little about what we were about to go through. They asked tons of questions when Kelly was battling...Can I catch cancer? Will I lose my hair too if I go to her house?...and they got to see her beat it and grow her hair back. We have had fun with it as much as we can. They got to pull some of my hair out and we make bald jokes a lot. Josh kisses my head and rubs it to go to sleep sometimes. Annika still gets a little embarrassed to be with me in public, but deep down, I think she's proud :) I have amazing kids :)

There were so many people who came to the party and I got brief moments with many of you. Please know that I know exactly who was there and I am thankful for each and every one of you. I miss many of you and apologize that I haven't found the time to catch up. I promise you that I will! There were some incredible gifts and very heartfelt gestures and I haven't even begun to send Thank You cards. I guess I could be doing that instead of blogging, but... that isn't really an option, now is it?

I am eager to catch up on this so I can share more of my feelings and overall health report now that AC chemo is over. I have a long road ahead. In the meantime, thanks for being patient :)

Much love xoxo

Shelley